ghosts of yesterday

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i fell in love with his eyes first, those sparkling green orbs that shone like the sea.
then, his hands. rough and brown from the years of war, silent painful stories buried in his veins.
next, his smile. that crooked and crinkly grin that slipped when he forgot his mask.

oh, the years we had together were the golden days. he brought me wild flowers from our backyard, scattered among the thorns so his hands got rougher as our home grew lovelier. and i loved them. he started school for the villagers in our little home, so we could spend time with the children we could never have. and i loved them, oh so much. he, both of us, worked so hard to make our life perfect, and for a time, it was.

we spent marvellous years together, but as he grew older, i watched as he slowly slipped into the untold stories of his war years. i would hold him as he woke up, forehead beading with sweat and eyes glowing with fear. i stroked his hand as the fever worsened and ebbed away and came back even stronger. i cried silently as the doctor gave me little hope to cling to, and cradled the head of curly brown.

and finally, when i was just another ghost from his yesterday, i told him to let go.

i buried him in our backyard, where he was the happiest gathering flowers to brighten my days. with only the wild flowers and thorns to watch him as he slept in peace for eternity.

((this is so sad but i guess it reminds me not to take any moment with loved ones for granted))
hope you had a meeeerry christmas! may God's love continue to shine in your lives.

y'all have all my love <3

xx

oh my soul, look & remember

from tumblr

sifting through the dust of yesterday
buried so deep it was hard to breathe
what do i say when words fail
and silence crushes my soul

i will look
to the sky, where Your glory lives
to the sea, where Your mercy washes
to the wind, where Your voice thunders
to the Babe, where Your love shines

i will remember
that when my lips fail to speak
and my body wastes away
when the daylight turns to stormy clouds
the cold waves fill the void

i will know
You are everlasting
perfect
my soul will rest in Your holy name

and upon my broken pieces
i will build my altar

whyyy, 'ello again. it's been a while, hasn't it? i'm so sorry i've been gone for ages, i have been struggling to write something delicious and beautiful for a while now and the words are just swirling in my head but i can't get them out. shoutout to writers/bloggers who can write things almost all the time 'cause y'all amazing. seriously it takes some serious talent. ;)

i went on an impromptu trip to visit my uncle out in the country, so maybe that's helped with inspiration heehee. i've missed you all, and i do realise i have A LOT of tags to catch up on (i'm so embarrassed, really ugh). but thank you all for sticking around on this journey. God has been so good to me and i'm just overwhelmed with His love. may you realise that this week as well Ü

sending so much love ♥

christmas? christmas.

i know this is almost two months too early, but it feels like Christmas today.

yeah, even though it's like 28ºC and humidity 71% with expected thunderstorms in the afternoon and no snow, it feels like Christmas.

i'm sitting here in my garden with the fresh smell of sunning clothes and a cup of homemade cold chrysanthemum tea and my brain keeps shouting christmas, christmas, christmas for some queer reason and i feel very, very happy. (honestly, i have no idea how stuff up there works.) even though i know I'll regret this in the afternoon when i have tons of exam studying to catch up on, i just wanted to take the time to appreciate today for the beauty that God placed everywhere.

i'm pretty sure it's because the awful hazy weather broke yesterday with early morning thunderstorms that cleared the air. i haven't seen the blue sky in ages, and it's absolutely glorious to behold. Christmas lullaby music is blaring sweetly in my earphones (we're on away in a manger now).

and i'm just so in awe that God knows exactly how to paint with the colours of nature. do you ever get that sometimes? and maybe it feels like Christmas because i'm once again exclaiming how marvellous God is and that's what Christmas is all about.

//update: i found an ant enjoying my tea.//

where to find yourself (ii.)

you'll find yourself in the quiet whispers of dawn

where the horizon spills with pastel magic

where the breeze bursts with hope

for a new day

is a new chance

to be you

you'll find yourself in the raging of the storm
where the rain dances down the window
in scattered patterns only you can see
and you'll let hate all out
and take love all back in

you'll find yourself where the seas meet the sand
where the wind cries glory, glory, glory
you will take a deep breath
and let the salty aura
tangle deep into your soul


/

you're lost now,

but go, find yourself

life is too short

to pretend to be someone else

♥
// part i. how to find a home //
// part ii. where to find yourself //

also, i'm TONS sorry for being MIA for so long. i finished my job attachment last friday, and had some final report thingies to submit and things got a little crazy. had lots of loose ends to tie up hehe.

gonna catch up with all the cool stuff y'all posted over this week <3<3 *HUGS*

p.s.: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY TOO WHEEE hehe.

hurrah for year eighteen! i'm so excited to see where the Lord will bring me in this upcoming year.

little things {16-25}

the little happy things: i.

16. Hugs (and more hugs).

17. Learning new things about people you love.
18. Wind that leaves you gasping for more.

19. Sleep.

20. The color of silence.
21. Blogs that shout "this.is.me."
22. Old friends.
23. Coffee and whipped cream..
24. Comfy clothes you look good in.
25. Smiling at a random stranger, and having them smile back.

Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. Trust. Hope. Love. Wish. Believe. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.

mandy hale

The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

it's so easy to forget the little things in life that make you live.

making lists are a good way of remembering them; i'd recommend it hehe ツ

have a lovely weekend, everyone

♥

(pssst)

hello you. this is going to be weird, but:

can you do me a favour and tell someone he/she is needed and loved today?

that they are beautifully created, and perfect in their own little way?

(okay, told you this was gonna be a-different-kind-of-post weird ha)

it could be anyone, online or in-person, and it takes a little courage on our part, but it could change someone's life and make someone's day a whole lot better. i just suddenly felt really convicted about this issue after hearing in the news about this girl who took her own life when she received a bad score report. and not just this, i've been hearing of all those many, many boys and girls who willingly chose to leave this world because they couldn't accept the way they were made, or had unkind words thrown at them, or thought no one loved or cared for them.

so yeah...this probably sounds really lame because i'm not the best at rallying people to do things, but won't it be lovely to impact someone for good? i know i struggle with approaching people with nothing more than "hey, i think you're awesome. stay cool, alrights?" but i guess there's always a first time for everything.


*deep breathe*


good grief, i can't even begin to explain how bad i am at this approaching people thing. and i don't know, maybe people will laugh or you'll stumble over words you meant to say (i know i will), and it won't be perfect.

but imperfection is what makes us human and lovable and real. the pain we feel at 2AM when we wake up with empty hearts, our tears behind the closed doors we shut against others, the joy that comes in the morning when we discover that He is always with us.

that's what makes us human. and let us start looking more at other human beings and going "i want to make a difference in their lives and i don't care what others are going to think." you know, the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. just...shake it off ツ <3

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

 -1 Corinthians 13:13-

i'm actually surprised i wrote so much about this and sorry about the mass of words i'm throwing out here heehee. so much love for you all <3

stay rad, fellow humans.

you are so loved today ♥

hush, hush

/tumblr/

i'm sitting here, in the brightly-lit lobby. nerves tumbling, palms sweating, hands trembling. waiting for the clock to tell me that it's time. new things are hard to do, new people are hard to meet, new mistakes are hard to forgive.

the boy sits across the room, reclined on a chair, fingers absentmindedly stroking his guitar. i forget my nerves for a moment as i watch his fluid movements. the guitar is coloured like the earth i'm so familiar with, like the soil and dirt i want to be sitting on, laughing and smiling.

but i am here.

in this artificially clean and spotless place that is lit too brightly with fluorescent lights, making it hard to gaze into people's souls. my eyes hurt from the light reflecting off the shiny marble floor.

i leave and use the bathroom one, two, three times before i settle again on my chair. the fabric of my skirt is harsh against my thigh and my body is itching to be free again. the clock still has not moved and time has never moved more slowly.

the lobby empties of the morning crowd and soon, it is just me and the boy with the slender fingers stroking his guitar in a calming, rhythmic way. it's hypnotising, and i see the warm, fresh smell of earth surrounding each stroke as it dies away into the next. my heart beat slows from its excited state and falls into a pulsating pattern to match his movements.

the boy looks up. after what seems like eternity, our eyes break away and he stands up to leave.

i don't have to look back at the clock to know it's time.

//

i started job shadowing a local hospital on monday, and it has been such a great experience so far. this is something i drafted while waiting in the lobby on monday morning. every morning i wake up nervous about me screwing up and looking stupid, but at the same time excited at what i will learn. if you guys could keep me in prayer or in your thoughts i would appreciate it so, so much ♥♥

i honestly have so much love for you all *hugs*

the 777 challenge

tumblr magic

the 777 challenge

so dearest cally from words passing you by AND the awesome olivia from the summer of 1999 did the thing and TAGGED me for this uber awesome challenge i couldn't pass on.

*hands cally some pretty wildflowers from the mountain because she's a mountain girl*
*showers olivia with bagels & tea bags 'cause her /about/ page tells me she loves them*
(heehee ♥)

sorry if i missed anyone who tagged me! just let me know and i'll edit the post to give you some well-deserved cool things too<3<3

//

the rules are:

• share 7 lines from the 7th page of one of your manuscripts
• tag 7 bloggers

(cally said she "cheated" doing the challenge but i'm definitely doing it wayyy worse meh)

1. firstly, as much as it pains me to admit this, i do not have any legitimate manuscripts of long stories i wrote *cringes and waits for protests from riot crowds* yeah yeah, i know i love writing and everything but i don't actually have a manuscript (??) the closest i have is a book of quotes and thoughts i write down when i'm inspired.
2. secondly, because it's a scribble+doodle book, some of the pages are blank. so the closest i could get for a page seven was page eight *cries*
3. thirdly, i don't even have close to seven lines on that one page sigh. so i'm just sharing everything i wrote on that page.

well. that was a full confession of my failings at following a simple challenge (teehee). here is the long awaited line from my manuscript-that-isn't-really-a-manuscript:

and i cried for all the girls who wouldn't know how beautiful they looked when they woke up with bedheads and scars on their wrists and hearts and pillows damp with tears

i really hope you guys enjoyed this simple post! oh and before i forget, here are seven other amazing bloggers i will tag:

1. laurel from Laurel Crowned
2. ashy from A Piece of My Sky
3. arushee from Unadorned Gifts
4. jollygirl from Reflections of a Jolly Girl
5. bekah from Found and Cherished
6. tane from Fifth Out of Ten
7. rachel from Silent Shadows
8. YOU <3

(there we go. i broke every dang rule of this challenge, good grief, i'm a rebel.)

if y'all have already done it or are not able to for whatever reason, don't stress! ♥

sending so much love from over here *hugs*

Ü

you are worth every second

i will never tell you to stop because you deserve this dance beneath the stars, with the moon casting light on your slender figure and the waves lapping at your feet.

i will never tell you to wait because you are called to run further than i can ever imagine, to the well where the sun rests in gleaming pools and the water cascades into the rocky light.


and when you come back for me after five, ten, fifteen years, i'll be here waiting.

we will sit down for tea and you will ask me how i have been.

and i will say that i have never been better.

and you will do that smile again, and we will laugh and remember the old days and pretend that we could go back in time. but we can't, and we won't, and all we have now are memories of things long dead and buried.

we will visit our old graves and point to the fields where we lay in long ago with hands intertwined and heads tilted towards the sun.

we will do this, just you and me, and we will be happy.


then you will take off again into the unknown. too soon, too fast for me to say i loved, love, and will always love

you.

//

i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!

have a beautiful weekend, everyone.

sending so much love from over here *hugs* ♥

to credit the bloggers for the idea to this piece will take exceptionally long because everyone i've been reading has been so inspiring of late ♥♥ this is the result of reading all of y'all blogs and going "ugh, my heart" every.single.time. but i want to give an special mention to ADDY for her three little pigs post because that has been the main inspiration for this. ♥ (okay this is really ramble-y now, i'll stop *grins*).

b • r • e • a • t • h • e

tumblr love

breathe.

eat some ice cream.

look up and count the clouds.

breathe.

close your eyes against the sun.

see the black swimming against your eyelids before--

breathe.

it's funny how quiet things are in your mind.

the world, there's too much.

breathe.

noise.

it's too harsh and bright. not now.

breathe.

ouch. your legs have gone numb.
how long have you been here?

breathe.

if you stopped moving long enough

will the world stop?

breathe?

(yes, breathe.

don't stop; that's good.)

breathe.

the word breathe sounds funny here.

it sounds light and passing and trivial.

breathe.

it doesn't sound like it will last.

not forever, anyways.

breathe.

how long will yours last?

long enough to make more people smile, you hope.

breathe.

you feel the sun warming the grass.

it's time to wake up.

//

askdsdjkkjl

to be honest, i don't even know what i just wrote.

just some random thoughts and feelings floating around in me that i had to write down.

i just had to pen it down even if it doesn't just quite make sense, you know that feel? ツ

comment your thoughts on this piece below, pretty please? :) ♥

i really, really want to hear what you think of it!

♥♥♥

it's a long wait for those you love

he smells of home

and of sea spray and salt,
and of wood and pain and empty rum bottles

but mostly
just home

he said he would be back

"before you forget me"
he teased

(i could never forget a part of me)

he jumped out and swam back
to hug me again
so i could breathe him in
and remember


it has been a while
a long, long while
since i waved goodbye from the docks

but that's okay
i'm still waiting for my home to return

//

above pictures were taken by le moi in Lake District, this gorgeous place in UK.
(isn't it beautiful though??)

p.s.: also, i have been reading lots of pirate and captain hook-like stories lately, hence the source of inspiration for this post *grins* thanks for reading, you lovely people ♥♥

how to find a home

it's fiction time (vii.)

creds: tumblr magic

we sat with our faces turned towards the dying sun that evening. there was a queer, unsettled feeling of beauty that made the air around us light with expectation. i guess we all felt the same; we were just kids, fresh out of the college, not at all ready to face the world.

tomorrow, we would all leave to different parts of the world. life, cruel but beautiful life, had finally called us apart after four years of college life. so we sat there, our fingers intertwined and our breaths fogging in the cool evening.

          "you figure we'll ever see each other again?"

of course dylan had to ask such a question. the dear idiot, he was gonna make me tear up. and i had promised liam not to get rachel started before tomorrow's airport farewell.

i rolled my eyes, more to prevent tears from building up than from annoyance.

          "sure we will. best friends will always find each other, won't they?"

(oh rachel, that wasn't helping with the general teary mood. crying was infectious. i wasn't going to be the one to start the chain reaction.)

i nodded, not trusting my voice to hold steady for long if i spoke. as if he could hear my thoughts, liam gently squeezed my hand. i squeezed back harder, trying to channel my emotions to the shoulder that i hoped could bear the burden better.

//

we only found the desire to leave long after the sun had sunk behind the rounded tops of the hills. even then, we had to drag our feet, wearily. the battle had not even begun, but weary travellers we were.

but i was a weary traveller with a home. i had found my home among these three messed-up, imperfect friends who loved me for the imperfect girl i was. we were leaving each other, sure. but what is friendship without trials? what is love without hardships?

and somehow, now the distance between our destinations was smaller, because our hearts had found a home together.



{sorry i haven't posted in a bit! internet connection hasn't been always steady with us travelling all over the place. also, i didn't realised how much i missed writing until i started it again ♥  love you all so much xxx.}

(a series of unconnected thoughts)

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one

a hate

stronger than fire

drowning in flames

hungry, growing

a sorrow

that burned like hunger

silent, raging

so alive

an emptiness

drying and deadly

extinguishing life

a bitter pang

//

two

just a kitten among flowers to make your day brighter xx.

three

(also, by unknown)

"You are so used to your features, you don’t know how beautiful you look to a stranger."

just three unconnected thoughts weighing on my mind this afternoon. i'm in u.k. now, it's so cold (it's supposedly summer, but i live in a superbly warm country, so this is like winter to me), but the place is gorgeous. God has been so good, and i'm just amazed at how everything in life works out. i promise to write more about it, and pictures coming soon :)

(ALSO, biggg shoutout to rosie at self known, for making this little blog look so good. you're awesome, girl.) 

i love you all! have a beautiful week ♥

don't forget

"she walked with darkness

dripping off her shoulders

i've seen ghosts

brighter than her soul"

x tumblr x

don't you dare look me in the eye
and tell me
you're not good enough
we both know that
is not true

there's a difference
oh, honey, there is,
between loving others
and loving yourself

you can love and love
other humans
you see the brightness
in their eyes when they
smile
the quiet movements
that speak volumes

but darling,
you have forgotten
how to love yourself

you have forgotten how to
see the brightness in your eyes
when you laugh
you have stopped loving
the soft smile
gracing your lips

oh, you are not perfect
none of us are
but there's Someone who loves
you deeper
than you could ever love yourself
He makes your flaws
your weaknesses
perfect
in His strength

don't you dare forget that

i just got back from church camp, and it was such a great and refreshing time spent with lovely people. i'm working on getting my writing/blogging schedule up again, which is a tad challenging because my family and i are leaving overseas for a month tomorrow x_x but it's gonna be exciting!

also, i'm just curious: do you guys like it/check back if i reply your comments? i'm not sure if y'all actually notice haha. you all leave the sweetest and loveliest comments, by the way ♥♥

stay beautiful xxx.

just a quiiiick update

(photos taken by me)

the brave do not live forever,

but the cautious do not live at all

// the princess diaries //

i know i haven't been posting in a long while, but i've been (and will be) having end-of-the-year(ish) exams over these few weeks. i've just finished my calculus exam this morning, and boy, am i glad its over.

just a few more papers and summer will be upon us <3

just wanted to let you people know; i'll be back posting again when all the craziness is over! stay awesome, guys.

much love,

elisabeth

the start of something new

it's fiction time (vi.)

his eyes were cold. cold, flashing, and dangerous.

but she found something akin to pain in them, the first sign of human-ness she had seen in him. strangely, that gave her hope. hope for what? you may ask. she didn't know either. all she knew was his eyes were very terrible, and very beautiful.

so, in such a manner, they continued along the road, with her sneaking looks at his unchanging face, and him stonily glaring ahead. silence never bothered her, so she was quite comfortable with the arrangement. from time to time, she would talk, he wouldn't respond, and she would continue the one-sided conversation. once, when she was discussing with, well, herself on something particularly silly, just to pass time, she thought she caught an amused flicker of eyes towards her direction.

she didn't know why, but she felt immensely happy.

all images from tumblr

||

i'm slowly beating writer's block guys!

thanks tons for the suggestions y'all gave in the previous post;

they were so very helpful ♥

also, i just have to add that this fiction was inspired by:

the lovely Adelaide Thompson over at Down by the Willows.

her writing is stunning. go on, check her out right now!

P.S.: if you have instagram, go on and follow me @elisab.ethf because i've been on there more recently!

xxx

/bitterness/

it all starts in the little things. the things that no one sees or cares about. but you do. you remember them. and you keep them in the little sealed drawer at the back of your heart, and you leave it, thinking it won't matter. but then it gets bigger, and the little drawer starts to grow. little things suddenly become big, and you wonder why nobody but you notices, why nobody listens or wants to listen to you.

and then your anger builds. slowly at first, but then faster and faster and faster. it spins out of control, and you feel mistreated in every circumstance. you ponder and mull on it at night. your hands rip pieces of paper into shreds. you glare and punch the bedpost, until you just wind up crying on the floor. and everything seems to lose its meaning. even the bluest sky seems sad. colours don't hold as much meaning as before. love is meaningless. pain is fresh and sharp.

the scary thing is, you don't know you're hurtling towards bitterness, like a ship being hurtled by the waves into the jagged rocks. it spins out of control, leaving you breathless, with a stubborn, bitter heart.

and no one can heal it but Jesus.

just a reminder for myself to let go, and let God.

found this in my old posts; reposting it because i'm needing this reminder.

and also because i'm suffering from an acute writer's block right now.

it's like the worst thing ever to want to write something but being unable to write anything. 

ugh, anyone have any tips for overcoming writer's block?

maybe more chocolate? (ha)

five reasons i am happy today

happiness is something we all want, but we don't get enough of.

here's a collection of five things that make me happy today. and that usually make me happy most days. because i want to make you smile, and be happy today, when you think about these things.

{one} i'm alive.

+ reminder: never ever take this for granted. waking up every morning is a gift, cliche as it might be.

+ don't just be another living creature; we have too many people "just existing" in this world.  LIVE your life, in the truest sense of the word.

+ treasure the moments that make you live, and make them happen.

{two} i have people i love.

+ Loving people is something wondrous. I honestly don't think life would be as fun, as exciting, as painful, as crazy without love.

+ Love is a splash of colour into life.

+ Funny how you begin thinking you only have space for two people. But as you go along in life, you  begin to discover you have more and more space for more and more people.

{three} kittens in teacups.

(no explanation needed)

{four} i have internet access to google for kittens in teacups.

+ okay. this makes me (just a little very) happy.

{five} i am a child of God.

+ this makes happy everyday, even though some days i have to purposefully remind myself that this is a reason to be happy. nothing else matters if i wasn't His child. this, this is the reason why my life is fulfilling and meaningful.

i hope this makes you remember why you smiled last week, or yesterday, or even a few seconds ago.

it's easy to forget the reasons for smiles, but i think those are the most important.

xxx

real or not real.

“You,” he said, “are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world,

and that, I believe is why you are in so much pain.”

-emilie autumn-

the asylum for wayward victorian girls

via tumblr

Please, don't stop. Don't stop being authentic and real and contagious with life to be lived. I might not know the quiet details of your life, but I know this: you are unashamed of joy and proud to smile. In that few spaces of time I saw you, your smile spoke more truth than any conversation I could have had with you. It wasn't just a smile; it was one of few genuine ones I have seen. And that blessed my soul today. You are something real, in a terribly false world. Pain is gonna come, but don't stop.

Don't you dare be afraid to stop

loving, giving, living.

Because darling, after all, what's life without these?

//

my (imaginary) first meeting with you,

my lovely readers

i hope this made your eyes smile today

because that, my friend, is one of the beautiful(est) smiles

♥

eternity in one moment | it's fiction time (v.)

via

meeting you again that day was like eternity compressed into one moment. it was like an adrenaline rush of memories that left me breathless. you might have caught me off guard, and i've told myself over and over again not to be caught surprised. but i did. and i guess it's okay, you know. it's fine to mess up sometimes. thinking back, i wonder if i might have surprised you as well.

i know ever since then, we've changed. you've changed, just look at you. but i don't want to change. i want to still live in the past. maybe it's selfish and, worse still, maybe you think i'm selfish, but that doesn't change it. your eyes tell me to live in the now. let's just move on, you say. but do you know how hard it is for me to move on? moving on means pushing memories away, it means forgetting. and i don't want to forget. it's too much to me to forget. i want to remember every single moment forever.

you know, the idea of eternity scares me sometimes. maybe because my mind can't comprehend it. maybe it's too vast and wide and abstract for me to grasp. but i think, that day when i met you again, it was almost like eternity, in one split second.

|| eternity flies ||

found this in my old drafts. i don't know why i never posted it, but here it is now!

oh, it's chinese new year and i'm in malaysia having way too much food and sleeping too much.

whatever, judge if you will ;)

have a beautiful day xxx.

imperfection + happy (belated) v-day

(i know i just posted yesterday, but i did pre-write this post specifically for v-day, so haha.

whatever, in any case, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it xx)

i am not perfect.

Sometimes, I find myself having to constantly

Replay this little phrase in my head.

i am not perfect. i am not perfect.

Thoughts of anger

and bitterness swell,

They steal the joy for

others' triumphs,

They wrangle the contentment

at the simple joys of life.

i cannot be perfect.

Perfection may be is something

I will never be able to attain.

/a • tel • o • pho • bia/

Fear of imperfection.

Fear of never being

Good enough for myself,

Much less

a n y o n e

but i forget

i was never called

to be perfect

on my

own

He tells me:

"There is no

Fear

In Love"

there is no fear

in

l o v e


I'm soaked in His Love
Constant
Unending
Everlasting

Through my imperfections
He shines
Perfect
Beautiful
Holy


I remember now

I was never called to be perfect

I was called

To Love
To Glorify
To Reflect

Him


"I must decrease, and He must increase"


:: "if i told you i was perfect, i would have been lying" ::

{cite}

tumblr image
1 John  4:18

John 3:30
quote off the internet

{a little valentine's / single-awareness day / love post for all my readers who i heart. hope this blesses your day.

also, i'm been obsessed with smoothies in a completely weird way. they're so good ugh xx}