the song of us | here's a piece of my heart (ii)

It was a quiet Saturday evening. Those kinds of evenings when it seemed you could just sink into the deep silence and silently fall through the cracks to the other dimension, slipping into a million melodies just waiting to be discovered.

We met by accident.

You were a warm, pulsating melody that swelled and eased like the tide. Notes hurriedly strung together as you attempted to construct a greeting. (I ended up receiving an unintentional compliment, not that I'm complaining about it.) I didn't know much, but I knew I really wanted to hear your tune over and over again.

Walking with you down corridor after corridor, finding excuses to somehow prolong our conversation--I laugh as I catch myself mid thought. Your eyebrows raise and I laugh again because you look so ridiculous. Really ridiculous. There is not a chance I would tell this to you now, I think to myself. Maybe next time when we have years of friendship behind us. Maybe next time.

We meet once, twice, many times more after that. It's built on friendly excuses, until you finally tell me that you love the tune I play, the trills and occasional random arpeggios thrown into the score that lilts on. For that moment my heart sings because, me too! Man, how blessed can I get? And I tell you, this time out loud, I have fallen for your warm chords and deep tunes.

And thus, the song of you and me began.

You slowly help me mend the cracks of silence that had threatened to swallow me. We seal them, but leave enough space for the haunting melodies to filter through. I liked it better that way, I told you. Then I can still discover the undiscovered melodies. You laughingly joke that it's alright, as long as I still loved your tune the most. What a silly thing to say! That is something that will never change.

Whenever you laugh, I want the whole world to see how it colours my world and sets my heart skipping the occasional beat. But I suppose, some things are best loved alone.

I don't think you know how deeply I feel in love with you, but it's more than I can ever bring myself to say or admit. We write melodies and paint them in silver and pastel, and the tune goes on and on.

I have found the one whom my soul loves.

//

wow a FOUR MONTH hiatus ??? what is life

this post is long looOOong overdue but i legitimately just wrote it a few hours ago
(that's how little i've been writing for the past few months i'm ashamed)

it's fresh off the press, yall.

(also i just got a TON of cake samples. God is good. love u all muchly)

here's a piece of my heart | part i.

image from tumblr

7.15am again, and I am sitting precariously on the rusty chair of this forlorn coffee shop.

You are sitting across the table and every fibre in my body is straining to keep my eyes on the steam wistfully pooling around the cup's rim. Because I can't swim and your eyes are too deep for me to stay afloat.

I crack a joke and cringe as it falls flat, but you must know that humour is my self defence because you laugh and ask if everything's going on alright.

And for that moment I almost lose myself. I want tell you everything I know. That you make me feel like the most beautiful person when I'm around you. That the stars shine the brightest in your eyes when you laugh. That π is a perfect name for your dog. That even though I teach formulas for a living, I'll never begin to solve the puzzle of how I fell for the lonely man in the coffee shop.

But I don't, because you are grinning again and I know my story is a sad one, one that would stain your smile and hang heavily on your heart.

So I sit there and laugh like I'm fine as we joke over simpler things that matter less and gaze at the town as it slowly wakens through the frosted windows. And for that moment I can pretend that all is well with the world.

[ at 8.00am I leave ]

//

HELLO MY DEAREST PEOPLE. I'm so sorry for dropping off the face of this planet but college has been incredible (but crazy, incredible crazy, crazily incredible, heh) so I haven't been around this space forever. I've missed this but it takes awhile to start my writing engine again. I'm thinking of having a part 2 (!!) so hang around for it alright!! Hope your holidays have been going on beautifully; I know mine has ♥ I"VE MISSED THIS SO MUCH AKSAJDSJDKLSJDA it's good to be back (for however long, it's still good.)

field of dreams

the colours leak from the shadows
and a faint lavender glow is scattered through the field
i am here--
again.
i lick my cracked lips
and then sit
before the silence strangles me,

it is the time before darkness and light
the moon slowly melts into the paled sky
the lost dreams are creeping back into night
my heart, strange and hollow
i can feel it--
aching,

i want to scream into the horizon
with its fading stars
and tell them--
wait.
i have no words left in me
and no strength left to shout,

but i am the girl that chased tomorrow!
i saw the wells of light at the end of the worlds
i cried for all the broken dreams
and laughed at the ones that bloomed
i am freckled with sun
bathed with tears
i've seen the sky cry at dusk
and the ocean spilt by lightning,

why have i come to this field?
i can't quite--
remember.
there are dead visions buried here
i know it,
the air is filled with tears and sleepless nights
i can taste them on my tongue,

i come to realise
as the time crawls by
that i am just another shadow passing
a ghost of a happier time
sent to watch this field of death
and mourn for my lost--
dream,

//

i hope you like this; i've been thinking a lot about deaths of visions, & how God works through them.

continue to keep me in prayer!

i've been busy with college apps & interviews & internships & all the (ahem) fun stuff hahaha.

i'll definitely be popping in and posting/reading your fab posts as much as i can! <3

so much love xx

ghosts of yesterday

tumblr

i fell in love with his eyes first, those sparkling green orbs that shone like the sea.
then, his hands. rough and brown from the years of war, silent painful stories buried in his veins.
next, his smile. that crooked and crinkly grin that slipped when he forgot his mask.

oh, the years we had together were the golden days. he brought me wild flowers from our backyard, scattered among the thorns so his hands got rougher as our home grew lovelier. and i loved them. he started school for the villagers in our little home, so we could spend time with the children we could never have. and i loved them, oh so much. he, both of us, worked so hard to make our life perfect, and for a time, it was.

we spent marvellous years together, but as he grew older, i watched as he slowly slipped into the untold stories of his war years. i would hold him as he woke up, forehead beading with sweat and eyes glowing with fear. i stroked his hand as the fever worsened and ebbed away and came back even stronger. i cried silently as the doctor gave me little hope to cling to, and cradled the head of curly brown.

and finally, when i was just another ghost from his yesterday, i told him to let go.

i buried him in our backyard, where he was the happiest gathering flowers to brighten my days. with only the wild flowers and thorns to watch him as he slept in peace for eternity.

((this is so sad but i guess it reminds me not to take any moment with loved ones for granted))
hope you had a meeeerry christmas! may God's love continue to shine in your lives.

y'all have all my love <3

xx

hush, hush

/tumblr/

i'm sitting here, in the brightly-lit lobby. nerves tumbling, palms sweating, hands trembling. waiting for the clock to tell me that it's time. new things are hard to do, new people are hard to meet, new mistakes are hard to forgive.

the boy sits across the room, reclined on a chair, fingers absentmindedly stroking his guitar. i forget my nerves for a moment as i watch his fluid movements. the guitar is coloured like the earth i'm so familiar with, like the soil and dirt i want to be sitting on, laughing and smiling.

but i am here.

in this artificially clean and spotless place that is lit too brightly with fluorescent lights, making it hard to gaze into people's souls. my eyes hurt from the light reflecting off the shiny marble floor.

i leave and use the bathroom one, two, three times before i settle again on my chair. the fabric of my skirt is harsh against my thigh and my body is itching to be free again. the clock still has not moved and time has never moved more slowly.

the lobby empties of the morning crowd and soon, it is just me and the boy with the slender fingers stroking his guitar in a calming, rhythmic way. it's hypnotising, and i see the warm, fresh smell of earth surrounding each stroke as it dies away into the next. my heart beat slows from its excited state and falls into a pulsating pattern to match his movements.

the boy looks up. after what seems like eternity, our eyes break away and he stands up to leave.

i don't have to look back at the clock to know it's time.

//

i started job shadowing a local hospital on monday, and it has been such a great experience so far. this is something i drafted while waiting in the lobby on monday morning. every morning i wake up nervous about me screwing up and looking stupid, but at the same time excited at what i will learn. if you guys could keep me in prayer or in your thoughts i would appreciate it so, so much ♥♥

i honestly have so much love for you all *hugs*

you are worth every second

i will never tell you to stop because you deserve this dance beneath the stars, with the moon casting light on your slender figure and the waves lapping at your feet.

i will never tell you to wait because you are called to run further than i can ever imagine, to the well where the sun rests in gleaming pools and the water cascades into the rocky light.


and when you come back for me after five, ten, fifteen years, i'll be here waiting.

we will sit down for tea and you will ask me how i have been.

and i will say that i have never been better.

and you will do that smile again, and we will laugh and remember the old days and pretend that we could go back in time. but we can't, and we won't, and all we have now are memories of things long dead and buried.

we will visit our old graves and point to the fields where we lay in long ago with hands intertwined and heads tilted towards the sun.

we will do this, just you and me, and we will be happy.


then you will take off again into the unknown. too soon, too fast for me to say i loved, love, and will always love

you.

//

i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!

have a beautiful weekend, everyone.

sending so much love from over here *hugs* ♥

to credit the bloggers for the idea to this piece will take exceptionally long because everyone i've been reading has been so inspiring of late ♥♥ this is the result of reading all of y'all blogs and going "ugh, my heart" every.single.time. but i want to give an special mention to ADDY for her three little pigs post because that has been the main inspiration for this. ♥ (okay this is really ramble-y now, i'll stop *grins*).

b • r • e • a • t • h • e

tumblr love

breathe.

eat some ice cream.

look up and count the clouds.

breathe.

close your eyes against the sun.

see the black swimming against your eyelids before--

breathe.

it's funny how quiet things are in your mind.

the world, there's too much.

breathe.

noise.

it's too harsh and bright. not now.

breathe.

ouch. your legs have gone numb.
how long have you been here?

breathe.

if you stopped moving long enough

will the world stop?

breathe?

(yes, breathe.

don't stop; that's good.)

breathe.

the word breathe sounds funny here.

it sounds light and passing and trivial.

breathe.

it doesn't sound like it will last.

not forever, anyways.

breathe.

how long will yours last?

long enough to make more people smile, you hope.

breathe.

you feel the sun warming the grass.

it's time to wake up.

//

askdsdjkkjl

to be honest, i don't even know what i just wrote.

just some random thoughts and feelings floating around in me that i had to write down.

i just had to pen it down even if it doesn't just quite make sense, you know that feel? ツ

comment your thoughts on this piece below, pretty please? :) ♥

i really, really want to hear what you think of it!

♥♥♥

it's a long wait for those you love

he smells of home

and of sea spray and salt,
and of wood and pain and empty rum bottles

but mostly
just home

he said he would be back

"before you forget me"
he teased

(i could never forget a part of me)

he jumped out and swam back
to hug me again
so i could breathe him in
and remember


it has been a while
a long, long while
since i waved goodbye from the docks

but that's okay
i'm still waiting for my home to return

//

above pictures were taken by le moi in Lake District, this gorgeous place in UK.
(isn't it beautiful though??)

p.s.: also, i have been reading lots of pirate and captain hook-like stories lately, hence the source of inspiration for this post *grins* thanks for reading, you lovely people ♥♥

how to find a home

it's fiction time (vii.)

creds: tumblr magic

we sat with our faces turned towards the dying sun that evening. there was a queer, unsettled feeling of beauty that made the air around us light with expectation. i guess we all felt the same; we were just kids, fresh out of the college, not at all ready to face the world.

tomorrow, we would all leave to different parts of the world. life, cruel but beautiful life, had finally called us apart after four years of college life. so we sat there, our fingers intertwined and our breaths fogging in the cool evening.

          "you figure we'll ever see each other again?"

of course dylan had to ask such a question. the dear idiot, he was gonna make me tear up. and i had promised liam not to get rachel started before tomorrow's airport farewell.

i rolled my eyes, more to prevent tears from building up than from annoyance.

          "sure we will. best friends will always find each other, won't they?"

(oh rachel, that wasn't helping with the general teary mood. crying was infectious. i wasn't going to be the one to start the chain reaction.)

i nodded, not trusting my voice to hold steady for long if i spoke. as if he could hear my thoughts, liam gently squeezed my hand. i squeezed back harder, trying to channel my emotions to the shoulder that i hoped could bear the burden better.

//

we only found the desire to leave long after the sun had sunk behind the rounded tops of the hills. even then, we had to drag our feet, wearily. the battle had not even begun, but weary travellers we were.

but i was a weary traveller with a home. i had found my home among these three messed-up, imperfect friends who loved me for the imperfect girl i was. we were leaving each other, sure. but what is friendship without trials? what is love without hardships?

and somehow, now the distance between our destinations was smaller, because our hearts had found a home together.



{sorry i haven't posted in a bit! internet connection hasn't been always steady with us travelling all over the place. also, i didn't realised how much i missed writing until i started it again ♥  love you all so much xxx.}

the start of something new

it's fiction time (vi.)

his eyes were cold. cold, flashing, and dangerous.

but she found something akin to pain in them, the first sign of human-ness she had seen in him. strangely, that gave her hope. hope for what? you may ask. she didn't know either. all she knew was his eyes were very terrible, and very beautiful.

so, in such a manner, they continued along the road, with her sneaking looks at his unchanging face, and him stonily glaring ahead. silence never bothered her, so she was quite comfortable with the arrangement. from time to time, she would talk, he wouldn't respond, and she would continue the one-sided conversation. once, when she was discussing with, well, herself on something particularly silly, just to pass time, she thought she caught an amused flicker of eyes towards her direction.

she didn't know why, but she felt immensely happy.

all images from tumblr

||

i'm slowly beating writer's block guys!

thanks tons for the suggestions y'all gave in the previous post;

they were so very helpful ♥

also, i just have to add that this fiction was inspired by:

the lovely Adelaide Thompson over at Down by the Willows.

her writing is stunning. go on, check her out right now!

P.S.: if you have instagram, go on and follow me @elisab.ethf because i've been on there more recently!

xxx

real or not real.

“You,” he said, “are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world,

and that, I believe is why you are in so much pain.”

-emilie autumn-

the asylum for wayward victorian girls

via tumblr

Please, don't stop. Don't stop being authentic and real and contagious with life to be lived. I might not know the quiet details of your life, but I know this: you are unashamed of joy and proud to smile. In that few spaces of time I saw you, your smile spoke more truth than any conversation I could have had with you. It wasn't just a smile; it was one of few genuine ones I have seen. And that blessed my soul today. You are something real, in a terribly false world. Pain is gonna come, but don't stop.

Don't you dare be afraid to stop

loving, giving, living.

Because darling, after all, what's life without these?

//

my (imaginary) first meeting with you,

my lovely readers

i hope this made your eyes smile today

because that, my friend, is one of the beautiful(est) smiles

♥

eternity in one moment | it's fiction time (v.)

via

meeting you again that day was like eternity compressed into one moment. it was like an adrenaline rush of memories that left me breathless. you might have caught me off guard, and i've told myself over and over again not to be caught surprised. but i did. and i guess it's okay, you know. it's fine to mess up sometimes. thinking back, i wonder if i might have surprised you as well.

i know ever since then, we've changed. you've changed, just look at you. but i don't want to change. i want to still live in the past. maybe it's selfish and, worse still, maybe you think i'm selfish, but that doesn't change it. your eyes tell me to live in the now. let's just move on, you say. but do you know how hard it is for me to move on? moving on means pushing memories away, it means forgetting. and i don't want to forget. it's too much to me to forget. i want to remember every single moment forever.

you know, the idea of eternity scares me sometimes. maybe because my mind can't comprehend it. maybe it's too vast and wide and abstract for me to grasp. but i think, that day when i met you again, it was almost like eternity, in one split second.

|| eternity flies ||

found this in my old drafts. i don't know why i never posted it, but here it is now!

oh, it's chinese new year and i'm in malaysia having way too much food and sleeping too much.

whatever, judge if you will ;)

have a beautiful day xxx.

storm of lies | it's fiction time (iv.)

via tumblr

let the words burn as they leave your throat
chilling the air around you
he asked for it, no one can blame
your patience that is worn
so thin

let the seas roar as they rush
down, down
to the pool beneath your feet
no apologies, not now
not ever

let the skies rumble as black clouds darken
eyes like a storm of grey
turn, turn
you are the eye of the storm
calm and raging

let the wind howl
let the storm rage
let your love be lost in the gale
it has happened before
it will happen again

but you will learn to love once more

inspired by:

It’s funny, you only really know what someone thinks of you

when you know what lies they’ve told you.

-doctor who-


today has been a cold, drear day and it felt appropriate to be inspired for this.
and bazinga! it's already february. craaazy.

hope you like this piece as much as i liked to write it
xx.

stars | it's fiction time (iii.)

i sat

i watched

i counted the stars

alone, when my heart was heavy

i sat

gazing through an open window

i watched the people pass

they're nothing like the stars

i sat

i watched

and counted the stars

that night i saw you pass

you whistled, carefree

the wind was cool

the air was light

and i smiled

all was well

i sat

and watched

as you pass again

but you stopped and turned

pushed along by the wind of fate

you saw me and smiled

frank, and genuine

beautiful

something i had never felt

blew along that breezy cool night

you asked

i blushed

but said yes all the same

what did you know of the girl you saw

who had nothing to hold on to but the stars?

you climbed up

and sat by me

silence of the beautiful kind

filled the air

now we sit

we watch

we count the stars

together, when our hearts are heavy

we laugh, we cry

more beautiful silence fills the air

the world stands still

but the stars shine on

f o r e v e r


inspired by:

"rescue me, chin boy, and show me the stars."

-clara oswald, doctor who-

#originalpoetry
all images courtesy of tumblr

(i watched guardians of the galaxy (FINALLY) yesterday and asjklwqeopterehncjjdhd IT WAS GOOD.)

(thanks for all the nominations! i'll be doing them soon.)

xxx.

imagine | conversations in my head (ii.)

via tumblr

if you grade me from one to ten, where would i fall?

into my a r m s

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

you know how sometimes, there are these little imaginary conversations in your head that just stick around. i get them all the time, and because i don't know where else to share them, i'm starting a blog series called:

what do you lovely people think? 

just tell me you're alright | it's fiction time (i.)

via | typography by me

a single tear worked its way down his high cheekbones.

he stole a glance at her. good, her gaze was turned towards the setting sun in the distance.

he hurriedly brushed it away, frustrated at his lack of control over his emotions and at the entire world in general.

she was the only girl he'd come this close to crying in front of, partly because she never judged him and partly because she was a cast-out in school. who would be ashamed in front of those whom were repeated cast aside, rejected, and unloved? he wasn't. she was his friend, albeit a secret friend. his friends could never hear of this. crying in front of a girl, or hanging out with a cast-out--he wasn't sure which was worse. he'd lose his position in his circle of friends if that happened.

"i was adopted you know," she interrupts his thoughts gently.

yes, he knew. that was one of the many reasons why she wasn't well-loved in school. she was an orphan living with a poor family on the edge of town. it was rumored her father had embezzled large amounts of money and died in a skirmish with the police. nobody knew who her mother was. once again he wondered why he was even talking to her. it could destroy all the friendships he ever knew. he kept silent.

"i don't know who my parents are, or whether they ever wanted me," she continued, "and that hurts."

"at least you know your parents love you," she added softly.

he looked up to search her dark eyes, not sure if he'd find envy and jealously. for him. or pity for her own portion in life. 

but her eyes were soft and...was that a hint of contentment? they were definitely peaceful considering the amount of hardships she had to bear at such a young age.

he had never look into her eyes before. at least, not since the day she found him by the stream, disconsolate and seething with rage. he'd only looked into her eyes out of surprise that she had found him. that was his secret spot, and apparently, it had been hers as well.

"some things you'll never miss until they're gone. and other things it'll take you years to realize you can live without."

her sigh that followed was highlighted with sadness and regret.

"you know if you talk in a more direct way, it'll help with your reputation in school.

just tell me directly that you want me to love my family more and pay less attention to what my friends think."

turning her eyes to hold his gaze, she murmured reproachfully, "it's not only your family. or your friends."

he was trying to figure out what she meant when she stood abruptly and stretched her legs.

"i gotta go, kevin. there's lots of work to be done." she laughed ruefully. "and i don't think you would want to be seen with me since your friends are on their way up the hill."

his friends.

sake's alive he could hear them now. was he really so deep in thought that he didn't hear that ruckus?

"thanks for the heads up, kate. i was just wondering, what did you mean when..."

he looked up, but she had fled down the hill.

he sighed.

 just imagine | ♥ it's fiction time

//

my attempt at writing fiction. the thoughts just flowed out and i rediscovered my love for writing.

i will probably continue this story when i find the time and inspiration :)

on another note: i have been swamped with school, and will be busy until end of may.

i'll be getting some guest posters though, and post when i'm free(ish). and a new blog design is on the way--so excited! :)