a raw collection of words from my heart

24.12.13

on the eve of christmas

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christmas.

christ-mas.

even the word has such a beautiful sound to it. it whispers hope, love, and peace. it excites dreams of lights, fragrance, and joy. i think christmas is really my favorite word.

it's also my favorite season and holiday. there are many reasons why. maybe it's because of the presents and gifts. or maybe it's the atmosphere of joy and laughter. perhaps the old-time favorite carols and newer upbeat songs make me bubble inside with happiness. ah, maybe it's the smell of all sorts of delicious things baking and cooking. but mainly it is the contentment and fulfillment of joy that He came down for me, something that i {usually} tend to take for granted in the busy, unimportant details of everyday life.

this year's christmas isn't exactly the best i've had. stress + not enough rest + too much nonsense snacking = a suspected inflation of dermatitis herpetiformis on some of my fingers. in addition, life has been busy and crazy. no christmas tree, or christmas decorations this year for us. no time to put them up, no time to contemplate the true reason why this season exist, no time, no time, no time. i've been using the "i'm busy" line too much, i think it's becoming an excuse. and excuse for something that never existed. i do have the time. i'm just not actively seeking it out.

christmas is becoming a holiday for me. not a time of rest and reflection, but just another holiday that is madly packed with presents to buy, things to do, stuff to see, cards to make, songs to practice, and no time at all to ponder why i even celebrate it. 

it's christmas eve. the shopping is done, presents are bought, choir practice is over, and i'm sitting resting and thinking {and blogging because it helps me sort my mind out}. the Greatest Light of all has come down to save men from the biggest enemy of all--their own sins. born of a virgin, was a hundred percent God and hundred percent man, fulfilled prophecies hundred of years before His birth--humanly impossible and logically unreasonable. but for the Creator of all, what is impossible? and i wholeheartedly believe that that's the story of christmas. the love of God manifest. the blind made to see, and the impossible made possible.



dear you | have a beautiful christmas 

17.12.13

the most beautiful person

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"you know when you sometimes meet someone so beautiful, and when you actually talk to them and five minutes later they are as dull as a brick? then there's other people, when you meet them you think, "not bad. they're okay." and then you get to know them and their face just sort of becomes them. like their personality's written all over it.
and they just turn into something so beautiful."

amy pond | quote via dr. who


you know how this happens sometimes?
you notice those flashy, gorgeous people and think they're amazing.
but after hanging around them for a while, you realize how shallow they are.
maybe they have something deeper that you have to dig a little harder to get,
but they just don't seem very impressive after a few conversations.

but there are these other people.
the ones that become more beautiful after each conversation.
the ones that you never looked at twice about when you glanced across the room.
the ones that you never spoke to enough.
you said "hi" to them once or twice, and never thought about it again.

but then you see them more, and you start talking to them more out of necessity than want.
then you start to see things you've never noticed about them before.
(and to me, this is the best part of friendships)

for the first time, you notice their eye color.
you realize how deep their eyes are.
you suddenly see how beautiful they are when they smile.
the way they hug their siblings,
or help their friends.

their face becomes them.

then you start to realize how much you have in common.
you start enjoying conversations with them,
and when they leave, it seems
like a part of you left with them.
you're more than simply "friends" now,
you've become kindred spirits.
and it'll take something stronger than legions of mighty armies to break that bond.


faces are just faces,
until they become a person.

11.12.13

my book people

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i'm the kind of person who understands people in books wayyy more than people in real life. but i'm not that typical kind that is an introvert, shy to speak. i'm loud; noisy, to say the least. i enjoy public speaking, performing in skits, and speaking to new people. strangely, though, i find myself identifying more with the people in books. they're my kindred spirits; people i've never seen, but always known. recently, i've been having a trying time, but books just whisk me away to another world. and the book people, it's like they identify with exactly how i feel. it's like they are me. you know the feeling when people don't understand you, and you don't try very hard to understand them back? i'm a little like that. i must say, though, i have some precious friends are exactly like the book people. they understand. and i've some other friends who just make me laugh and don't expect me to say anything in return. they're amazing. just like the book people. sometimes, i even dream up my very own book people. someday perhaps i'll share them with you lovelies.

i've found a book person unlike one i've never had before. i've not used to having an old, dying man as one of my book people, but (surprisingly/shockingly/astonishingly) yes, i do. as of yesterday night.

maybe some background would help. i was feeling terrible that night. nothing (and when i say nothing, i mean literally nothing) was going right. and i had to clean a pile of dishes and take out the trash, while the little sibs (amazing at times, not so at others) were cleaning the table way too slow for my liking. you know those days. naturally, i was feeling m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e. it was then that i found him.

his name, is ivan ilych. he is the main character in leo tolstoy's the death of ivan ilych. i know, he was a dying, grumpy, old man. grouchy, bad-tempered, ready to bite anyone and anything, with his health in bad shape. and i was like, minus out the dying and sick part--that's me. so that's how i got to know him. he hated everyone because he saw them all as liars. they were simply trying to make him feel better and tell him lies about his health condition. he knew they all wanted him dead a.s.a.p. because he was becoming burdensome and he simply hated that hypocritical-ness.

but he meets this other young man who comes to care for him. gerasim, he's called. he was immediately added to my family of book people. he's bubbling with life. he's honest, frank, and joy simply exudes out of him. ivan ilych enjoys his presence immensely, and when gerasim leaves, both ivan and i felt an extreme sense of regret and sadness. gerasim brought with him something that exuded even through the words and into my self. joy. he cheered ivan ilych and me up. and some people might find that strange that i can be so affected by a book like that. but i do, and i am. ivan learns to let bitterness and hate go, and dies happy and peaceful. the story was beautiful. although tolstoy didn't talk much about gerasim after that brief chapter, well, i believe that he impacted ivan. and me as well.

so go. even if you identify perfectly fine with real people, go find some book people to meet. or make up your own if you're good at writing. because sometimes, God uses them to bring joy to your day.


joy will come in the morning || ♥

8.12.13

peter pan and the paradox of growing up

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when i was little, i loved peter pan. he was amazing, and i felt a thrill rush through me every time i watched wendy and the two boys escape to neverland with him. i never really understand why peter pan didn't want to grow up; i was dying to. i wanted to be old enough to go out and see the world, dress up, put on makeup, and wear heels. but now, i can see why growing up can be painful.

growing up is a thing i have to face always, on a daily basis. frankly, it often scares me stiff when i picture me in five, ten years. or even in the next few months. only four more years to twenty, and sixteen years have passed by just as quickly as the wind blows. adulthood staring me in the face, beckoning at times and yet, frightening at others. i'm not sure i'm ready for it. there are so many more responsibilities when you're grown up. more privileges, yes, but certainly more responsibilities as well. many i was just too idealistic when i was younger. adulthood isn't all that carefree as i pictured it. and sometimes i wish i could just do nothing and slouch around on the couch, eating chips (i might just end up with a bigger belly this holidays), and sleep. but that's not reality.

i don't want to grow up, and yet i want to. it's a paradox (don't you just love that word? the creators of the english language were poetic even in the phonetics) that i have to face. i want freedom and excitement and fun that adulthood brings, but i don't want the responsibilities and cares. i know that's terrible, because i need be be able to handle these sort of things. that's why it always comforts me when i remember that i can cast all my cares on Him, for He can and will carry me through. it's beautiful, really, when i think about it.

p.s: read a post i wrote over summer on growing up.


2.12.13

hope

all pictures in this post || via tumblr

hope
is the sunlight spilling over the edge of the horizon
the faint breeze tickling the dew-stained grass
it's a baby's first cry
the empty tomb
the reason today is worth living

hope
is love unparalleled
it's faith in the unknown
trust in the unseen
belief in the unfound


h o p e
the medicine for depression
the cure for bitterness
the life-long pursuit the world seeks
if found in the Him,
it's the only ingredient needed for true happiness

sometimes,
i forget
the hope i have
until it's gone
then i remember.

nothing hurts more than crushed hope.


hope deferred makes the heart sick
but when the desire comes,
it is a tree of life
-proverbs 13:12-

25.11.13

it's his birthday


dear darling,

i don't think you quite comprehend how adorable and precious you are to us. you're the first brother we've ever had, and you have been a gobstopasmashing one. i never know what to expect around you; your frank toothy smile with who-knows-what smears around the chin, and your obsession with all things noisy and truck-y. it's almost like living in a extended amusement park with you around. although you have been countless labelled as spoiled by your loving (and awesome) older sisters, you know that you will always have a little special place in our hearts, doncha? you've been kissed, coddled, cuddled, squeezed, pinched, and hugged countless times by us. mom says that you are so blessed because we dote on you too much. but then again, you're growing up, and i'm sure there will be one day you look down at us (from your lofty height) and say, "can you not coddle me in public anymore? i'm getting too old." and my heart will break, but i'll still cuddle you (albeit not in public) because you'll always be little brother.

and when that day comes for you to set off into the world, and taste firsthand what a evil, cruel, and depressing world it is, i'll tell you to see that beauty beneath the ugliness. that if you look closely, you'll see the traces of glorious beauty streaming forth, a reflection of the Creator's radiance.

i can't believe you're already five. it might seem lightyears away from teen-hood and adulthood, but you'll be there someday too soon. and i'm going to treasure every single moment i have with the sweetest, best hair-flicking bro i ever have.

happy birthday, luke.
little sunshine boy.


time's flying too fast || 


{and i'm leaving you with some enthusiastic flag-waving and patriotism from the boy himself}

23.11.13

this post is dedicated to The Doctor in honor of the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who which is to be released sometime over this weekend, so go grab something blue to hold on to in honor of the amazing Tardis.

{you're welcome (because you thanked me for reminding you, right? yes you did)}

-please be prepared for a high level of fangirling which is typically very abnormal for me-

all the eleven doctors









YESYESYESYESYESYESYES
...please?








I thought... well, I started to think you were just a madman with a box.
Amy Pond, there's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important and one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a madman with a box.

and just in case you don't know who the doctors are, these dudes are the ninth, tenth, and eleventh doctors.
i'm been pretty crazy with the doctor who series recently.
ohmygoodness just look at them.


perks of travelling with the doctor:

1. the tendency to talk about the most random things, like bananas of course, in front of an army of cyber things who could kill you any moment
2. exaggerated facial expressions
3. exaggerated voice intonations
4. exaggerated everything
5. AND THE FEZ. THE FEZ. (enough said)
6. and also so many feels. so, so many.

THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY DOCTOR WHO SPECIAL IS COMING OUT ON SUNDAY.
oh guys, when i found that it was to be also screened on the bbc channel here in singapore, i was like shrieking and screaming. and my family, who still retained a some sanity (how do they even do that??), was naturally very shaken by my demonstration and thought me nuts. but anyways.

bow ties are cool || 

19.11.13

and it's mid-november

all photos || via some cool place on tumblr

and hallo, it's already mid-november with a month (only a month!) to the busiest time of the year, Christmas. i don't really know how i've been doing. last week, at the conference, i saw so many people i've missed for the past few years and it was exciting to see what they had been up to and how God was at work in their lives. but when they ask me how i've been doing, i put on a great big smile (that is probably too huge to be genuine and would make the cheshire cat proud) and say i'm doing great. wonderful. fabulous. gobstopasmashing. which isn't totally true of course, but one doesn't expect a torrent of little picky problems to come tumbling out when asked "how have you been."

i don't really know how to answer them anyways. at that moment, i feel alright. ready and brave to conquer fresh problems. but within the next hour, i'm wallowing in a hole of depression and self-pity, which i know is not healthy. mood swings that others tell me it's normal to have at this age. but i don't like this normal. can't normal be joyful and peaceful? i've just been really tired maybe. too tired from focusing too much on the little things in life and missing out on the big picture God has for me. there are so many distractions, so, so many for a teenage girl living in a society that simply parades distractions. and i just have to keep reminding myself: when tired, rest. rest in the peace only He can give.


(anyways, i was just thinking the other day how nice it would be to go travelling for a few months some vague time in the future. see the world that God's created. just thinking about it makes me happy. oh! and in addition, i saw that jocee is having a giveaway of really cool stuff so go on, check her out. you won't be disappointed. {this is a sort of anticlimactic/rambly end to the entire thoughtful ambiance of this post. well, deal with it; that's just my personality ha. and yes, i've missed this dear little place to share my thoughts and with you all. glad to be back after a month of hectic busyness!})

15.10.13

something different

doesn't this just kill it. with the honey sugar strawberries and whatever thing is at the bottom (cake maybe)
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someone asked me the other day, "so how does it feel turning another year older?" i don't know, but i think it feels more tiring and exhilarating. oxymoron-ish maybe but true all the same. you get more responsibilities, yes more freedom but more duties to fulfill. more expectations to life than ever before, especially in the teen years. there is this certain expectancy that i have to be more mature maybe, less fooling around. is that the stereotype? i don't know, but i don't feel like growing up just yet. i want to delay it for a bit and enjoy my childhood. do some fun stuff, you know, like dancing in the rain, dressing up, run around with a bright green balloon. fun stuff, kiddie activities.

the other day, some close family friends and i met up at the airport for dinner. it had been a while since we had this get-together so we had a good time. the little ones wanted to go for slides, so we brought them and took the skytrain just for fun. it had been so long since i did kiddie things like prance around in the skytrain and pretend it was a spaceship leaving earth (not saying i did though). we got to the slides still in one piece and watched the little kids scream and slide down, cheering for them as they reached the end. then one of us (ahem) had the brilliant idea. since we were below two meters, we could go for it...and couldn't we though? so we waited for our turns and tried to avoid the awkward stares for other teens walking past the slides. not to mention the entire time we were giggling. then we did it. slid down all the way, screaming and cheering and laughing. reminiscing the days when we were just kids.

so i've compiled a list of sixteen things (somewhere up there in a new page) that i aim to do by next year 15th october 2014. no promises that i'll do everything, but i'll try (especially since some of them i'm almost sure i cannot get them done).

so tally-ho, thus opens year 16.

6.10.13

this is gab

photo courtesy of n.
this is gab.

a.k.a. gabby, gabsicles, gabriella, bi. [her real name is gabrielle]

i knew her ever since i was born. our papas were good friends in secondary school, so we are pretty old friends. she's short [sorry, girl! but short = concentrated awesomeness, right? ♥], fiery, bubbly, and totally knows how to have a good laugh.

we weren't always good friends, though. there was a time when we were little that i used to dislike her immensely because she was fun to be around and everybody liked her and my other best friend loved hanging around her and i thought she was being bossy and whatever. i can't remember all the grievances against her, but i only know that because our parents were really good friends, we went on holidays together, attended the same church, and pretty much saw each other frequently. so i had to learn some serious lessons about friendship.

okay, so long story short, there was one explosion we had at cameron highlands, malaysia, when we just pissed at each other and didn't talk for half of the holiday. it was silent treatment until i realized that i was a little [well, maybe very] selfish and stupid for being angry at her for no justifiable reason. and then we made up and were best friends again.

but then we stopped attending the same church, and stopped the weekly meetups and crazy hangouts. it was really depressing, believe me. once in a while, we do a get-together and everyone has a smashing time catching up, teasing, laughing, eating, and reminiscing the "good 'ol times."

so this is gab--small, bubbly, lively, laughter.

//

we had one of those crazy get-together a while ago. it was, simply crazy awesome.
kindred spirits with this girl? you bet.

profile ii.



2.10.13

what if

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some nights, i think very deep thoughts. tonight's one of those. i'm just thinking, you know, what if i never accomplish what i want in my life? what if i never get married? what if i die still young? what if i become socially awkward? what if my eyes forever stay small? what if my freckles never go away? what if someone eats the last bit of double chocolate ice cream in the freezer?

-but also more deeper thoughts, like-

what if God had never predestined me? what if i was still lost in darkness? what would it to be constantly depressed? what it be like to never know the true Light? what if i didn't exist? what if i was born in another country, in another family? who am i? what am going to do with my future?


i don't have all the answers yet. but i feel safer knowing that i'm not in control of my life's story. He is. i don't need to know all the answers. all i need to know is that He came down for me, and loves me with so much passion that He would agree to exchange His life for mine, on that beautifully dreadful day. that's why i owe Him so much, and He can take my life and use it for His glory.

28.9.13

the little happy things {1-15}



1. when the strangers you smile at smile back
2. screaming and cheering during games
3. looking into people's eyes and seeing something you never saw before
4. picking up the school vibe
5. listening to disney music
6. rainy afternoons curled up in your bed
7. colorful stationary and accessories that make you happy
8. smelling coffee brewing in the kitchen on a rainy day
9. having blurry conversations before dropping off to sleep
10. eating the best cookies two days in a row
11. daydreaming about nothing much, really
12. yelling singing out favorite music in random situations
13. scraping off the whipped cream from the cake and eating it
14. when your brother tells you you're pretty
15. listening over and over again the chords of a beautifully sad song



//


{inspired by jenn}

today is prissy's birthday. happy birthday darling. you're an awesome leetle sister and i just wanted you to know that ♥

25.9.13

this is ash + a happy birthday

me-left. ash-right.


this is ash.

{well, perhaps i should say 'this is natasha' but i call her ash, so it doesn't really matter does it?}

i knew her ever since i was about eight or nine. she was a quiet girl, always standing there with her younger brother, hair neatly braided. she never really participated in the games i came up with [such as who-can-roll-the-fastest-on-the-floor-to-the-end-of-the-room game], and was usually regarding me and the other boisterous kids playing with me with a very suspicious eye.

but no matter. i didn't really care too much. too busy mussing up my clothes and hair maybe. anyways, she popped over to our new church when both of us were about eleven, and because i had been praying for a girl my age, she seemed to answer my prayers. it was pretty awesome until i discovered we had so many differences.

she hates cheese, i love it.
she despises dressing up. i adore it.
she'd rather not hug. i love hugs.
she doesn't like heights / roller coasters. boy, do i love them.
she's typically a leader. i'm not.
she talks only when she has something legit to say. i tend to ramble.

i had to learn how to overcome them, how to give in sometimes, how to control my temper, how to state opinions in ways that didn't hurt people. she taught me a lot. and in the past 5 years, our friendship has grown and matured. it wasn't just a short sprint; no, it was a marathon that i had to run. and although we've had tons of disagreements and fights, we've stuck through till today. she knows exactly when i just want to talk and rant, and want her to reply, and when i just need a shoulder to cry on. never mind that she's sometimes too bossy :), i mean we all have our weaknesses. never mind that she's the same age as me, her wisdom far surpasses her years. she's calm, cool and she listens.

even though we are very different [we both DO love chocolate and sweets, though], we enjoy hanging out. earlier this year, we met at j.co just to talk and tease ha. and we had a smashing time. [we were supposed to meet for lunch, but we decided doughnuts were a better choice. we're awesome like that.]

so this is ash--slender, different, bossy, lovely.


{and today's her birthday. we're going out to ice skate at the j.cube ice ring on friday. i'm sure it's going to be rockin' fun (photos hopefully coming soon!).
happy sweet sixteen darling ♥  just wanna say thank you for putting up with me. i'm not the best at time, but you've been simply ah-mazinga. when i heard this, it made me think of you. Ü}


//

 ♥♥
in which i do a profile of one the closest kindred spirits by me.

20.9.13

once upon another moon



once upon another time, when we were so close. when we shared our hearts, lives, and dreams. when we truth-or-dared one another with dire consequences. when we dreamed about the future. when we silently cursed growing up because it brought us further apart. (when i dreaded it even more and cried for quite a while.)

it's a full moon tonight. not just any moon. but the deep, wax-yellow moon with the halo of light around it, just as how it was always had been. as i stared up at it, the beautiful wax-yellow light it shed, i remembered. i remembered how our families used to eat together so often, and the stupid random funny conversations we had. my inside ached for the times. a breeze caught my hair and played with it for a while. i breathed deeply. breathed in that familiar smell of balmy nights laughing and teasing. breathed in the memories and let them sink. sink right down into the bottom of my heart, where i hoped they would be kept forever and always.

bittersweet. isn't that the word they use to describe chocolate? maybe that would fit us. we were bittersweet. sometimes nice, other times not so. and because we were, the memories became that too. they were bittersweet, capable of evoking a sense of warmth but all too capable of bringing hurt. but bittersweet all the same.


//

i thought of many people while writing this.
many people, but mainly t.c.b. and q.w.



ps: thanks for all the lovely comments. you all are darlings, and if you haven't any time to do the blog challenge thingamajig, then no worries :) love you all ♥♥

19.9.13

my sisters

blog challenge (month 1, iii.)
+ photoshoot from a long while back






these are two of my leetle sisters.

they are little darlings, amazing in their own unique way, and pretty much the best ever.

18.9.13

blog award! and cool stuff like that





yay!

the following cyber cookie + whipped cream latte is for amelia who nominated me for the versatile blogger award, along with fifteen other fun bloggers!

thanks, dear :)


so these are peeps i nominate. very versatile and lovely people they are (in no special order):

  1. Storia by anna (life, dreams, photography)
  2. The Cupcake Dictionary by jocee (life, fangirling, cupcakes -yay-)
  3. Rachel Nicole by rachel (life, family, photography/videography)
  4. A Lavender Sea by tessa (life, travels, family)
  5. The Lone Sparrow by lizabeth (reflections, photography)
  6. Hannah Elise by hannah (photography, life)
  7. Carlotta Cisternas by carlotta (life, photography, thoughts)
  8. Unoriginal Originality by jenn (life, photography, fun stuff)
  9. Bonfire Hearts by johanna (thoughts, life, photography, love)
  10. Standard T by toyoshi (fashion, lifestyle, life, photography)
  11. In Reckless Abandon by marcia (photography, life, love)
  12. Brave by amy (thoughts, life, photography)
  13. Yours Truly... by jess (photography, life, thoughts, coffee)
  14. Grace's Garden Walk by grace (photography, life, thoughts, love)
  15. Finding Beauty by mikailah (photography, life)

if you’re one of the lovely bloggers that I nominated, here’s what you have to do:
  1. display the Award Certificate on your blog.
  2. announce your win with a post (like this one!). make sure you post a link back to whoever nominated you as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
  3. present the award to your own fifteen deserving bloggers.
  4. leave each of the nominees a comment to let them know you’ve nominated them after you have linked them to your post.
  5. post seven interesting things about yourself.
all good? cool stuff. so now, seven interesting things about myself:
  1. a bag of jellies/chocolates won't last a day with me.
  2. i like colors. immensely.
  3. i love heights.
  4. i try to make random strangers laugh, and i love laughing myself.
  5. my favorite thing to do ever is to sleep in on rainy mornings. and then wake up to hot, english breakfast + good book.
  6. i'm a foodie. i take this very seriously.
  7. i think i'm a pretty optimistic person (that means positive person, right?).
  8. whipped cream and latte forever.


lest you think i'm a rebel kid and can't follow simple instructions such as ONLY seven things about myself, the last one's not something about me. it's just like a footnote, that tells you where i stand in the important issue of starbucks and coffee.

13.9.13

food

blog challenge (month 1, ii.)






we're a family of foodies. so, naturally, food is a big thing to me. when i were younger, the kids i played with ate so little. and my sister and i were like some sort of circus freak the other parents gawked at, eating adults sizes from the young age of seven/eight. eat to live? nah, maybe live to eat would be more appropriate. i mean, my dad is an avid supporter of late-night food outings, buffets, and other stuff that foodies support. we must have inherited it from him. [mom is a supporter of meatless salad. none of us inherited it to that extent, so it seems.]

food is an art that requires cultivation. appreciation of food didn't come until i was like, in my teens or something. and that was also after i saw how blessed i was that i didn't have to worry about when my next meal like many in the third-world countries.

i see food as something that bonds people. say that i'm biased and say what you want, but that's truly the way i feel. there are so many families and good friends we have sat down with over a really good meal and they stuck with us up till today. "families that eat together, stay together." maybe there's some truth in that.


ps: i think japanese cuisine is my favorite. how about yours?
pps: blog challenge here.

10.9.13

i'm on blog lovin'!



hi dears,

so i finally went to create a blog lovin' for myself and notice the pretty new button at the side there? i really like this colors. turquoise greenish.

yayy so go follow me on blog lovin' if you have an account! and if you don't have an account, go create one! because they send you free cyber chocolate everyday! [well, maybe they don't and that's just a stupid lame lie]. fine, they don't send you free chocolate, but its so convenient to read your blogs that you won't crave for chocolate anymore!

i'm not making sense. nothing would ever make me stop craving chocolate.

but you get the point. right? :)))


xoxo.


[don't judge me. i have just done three chem practice quizes. my eyes are hurting.]
♥♥

7.9.13

dear 'ol momsie

[or should i say dear young momsie? women usually don't like to be called 'ol, but it doesn't seem to work the other way errk]



dear momsie, it's your birthday!
 -insert le happy music-

i won't tell your age, or any sensitive information about aging. but i just want to say that you're an awesome mom, and i'm so very grateful that God blessed me with such a wonderful mother.

when people tell me i look so much like you or my mannerism is so like you, i take it as a compliment, and it totally is. i know i'm not the best, but thank you for having so much love that you stick through it with me. and having five kids in urban singapore is certainly not easy. and i want to thank you for having the courage to do so--now i'm blessed with so many siblings!

i love you so very much, mom. and here's a (cyber) birthday bowl of salad [because i know you love healthy stuff and stay away from the sweets when possible.]

with bear hugs,
your leetle spitfire
-elise-

3.9.13

shock

blog challenge (month 1, i.)




shock : noun \ˈshäk\
-merriam webster-

1. something that causes disturbance
2. to strike with surprise, horror, terror, or disgust



shock is global news.
shock is reading about the syrian gassing.
shock is reading about the little chinese boy who had his eyes gouged out, by a desperate organ seller.
shock is realizing that i am so blessed in this thriving country, but never seriously considering it.


//


inspired by the many emotions that ran through me as i read this (+ last) week's news.
so much sadness, pain. but the expectancy that He is coming back again.

30.8.13

photo / video challenge



rachel nicole is hosting a very exciting photo / video challenge that will last the whole of this school year [starting september]. for procrastinators like, ahem, myself, this is definitely going to be a challenge, but i'm going to take this up as a project. pop over to her blog to check out the details of the challenge, and comment to join! besides testing my time management skills, it's also going to hone my creativity, photography, and writing skills.

so join us; it'll be fun :))



ps: oh, do you like the new-ish blog design / header / color scheme / favicon? gah, took me forever to get it right so hope you like it ♥

26.8.13

the progression of bitterness



it all starts in the little things. the things that no one sees or cares. but you do. and you remember them, keeping them in the little sealed drawer at the back of your heart. but then it gets bigger. little things suddenly become big, and you wonder why nobody but you notices. and you feel that nobody listens or wants to listen to you.

and then your anger builds. slowly at first, but then faster and faster and faster. it spins out of control, and you feel mistreated in every circumstance. you ponder and mull on it at night. your hands rip pieces of paper into shreds. you glare and punch the bedpost, until you just wind up crying on the floor. and everything seems to lose its meaning. even the bluest sky seems sad. colors don't hold as much meaning as before. and then you're accelerating towards bitterness. it spins out of control, leaving you breathless, with a stubborn, bitter heart.

and no one can heal it but Jesus.

//

this is me, recently.
just a reminder for myself to let go, and let God.

23.8.13

the terrible process adapting back to school


typography by me :: via


living things adapt.
or so they tell you in primary school.

adapting back to school after like, 3 months of summer, is a different thing altogether. teachers have already started sending emails to remind me to do this and that. aside from feeling "a grief that can't be spoken"*, it has been relatively exciting. i like colors. so i'm making sure most of my stationary this year are colorful and happy, to detract from the sadness of reading tiny tiny words in the textbooks.

but i had so much fun this summer. so many get-togethers with awesome friends. both crazy + awkward moments. depressing moments. times when i felt so free, and alive. family hangouts, movie nights, fiction, late night talks. and, all too soon, it's gone. it only seemed like yesterday when i bid farewell to school and all its quirks.

the last taste i have of summer 2013 was adventure. i'll never forget how much fun i had dodging the 'bullets' at laser tag, hiding behind walls, launching surprise attacks, undercover missions.

i'll miss the freedom of summer, but i'm praying this school year finds me diligent, responsible, creative, and [hopefully] having fun as well.

//

because it's dawning upon me that this monday would be the beginning of school. yes.



*to quote Les Misérables

21.8.13

sugar overload


typography by me :: via


yesterday, the amount of sugar consumed was cra-zy.

muffins in the morning + brownies in the afternoon + waffles + whipped cream + ice cream for dessert = very majorly serious headache by the end of the day.

[we had dessert at swensens, and our entire family was going bonkers at the table. luke decided that he was on a ninja mission (darling!) and repeatedly shot everyone until we were "very dead." the rest of us were on a sugar high.]

i didn't think at first that the sugar had anything to do with the headache, but my mom said it did. and moms are usually 95% of the time correct, aren't they? [well, maybe] so, i checked it out, and sure enough. sugar can cause headaches.

"...if you consume large amounts of sugar at one time, your body may go into a state of hyperglycemia which results in a headache that may linger for days."

thankfully though, i woke up this morning happy and bursting rainbows [which is a good thing by the way].
i felt very green and blue [which are happy colors, meaning i felt over the rainbow].
the sugar intake must have been so much that it made itself into rainbows! :)

now i'm too sweet. [hahah, get it?]


ps: well that was lame.
pps: ohoh. laser tag was pretty awesome. i had a amazing time being a ninja [see where luke got it from?]
ppps: if you noticed, i might have some of the leftover sugar from last night causing a sugar high.
pppps: rainbow sugar forever!