a raw collection of words from my heart

Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts

30.1.15

growing up | repost from 2013

via some tumblr awesomeness


very long ago, when we were still young, when we thought the world revolved around us, when we had no cares in this world, i thought that our time together was forever. that nothing would ever pull us away from being the bestest of friends.

then we all had to grow up.

slowly, but surely, we stopped seeing each other every other day. stopped these, and starting meeting new people, seeing new things, experiencing fresh enjoyments. and, i suppose, that is growing up.

bittersweet memories of how we used to fight, give silent treatment, and then make up again.
of how we used to play like a bunch of hooligans.
of how we used to tell everyone we were siblings.
of how we would exchange secrets, and dream together of the future.

and now, we've gone our separate ways. friends still, just apart for a while.
growing up? maybe, but i've yet to get used to it.

sometimes these memories, carefully stowed safely at the back of my mind, slip out and make me long for times long past. and when i breathe in the fresh and cool night air, the memories of long ago, pleasant and soothing, haunt me, evoking a sense of loneliness for that time. and sometimes, i wish we could just escape back in time, and be who we were.

the world kinda gets complicated once you're older, doesn't it?
more cares, more responsibilities, more duties to fulfill.

and i just want to freeze that moment, back in time, and remember everything.
i've learnt to treasure those memories, every single one.


“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that
for a long time we grew side by side;
our roots will always be tangled.
I'm glad for that.” 
- Ally Condie, Matched -




i was looking through my old posts and found this. thought you guys might like reading it again ♥

xx

8.12.13

peter pan and the paradox of growing up

via tumblr

when i was little, i loved peter pan. he was amazing, and i felt a thrill rush through me every time i watched wendy and the two boys escape to neverland with him. i never really understand why peter pan didn't want to grow up; i was dying to. i wanted to be old enough to go out and see the world, dress up, put on makeup, and wear heels. but now, i can see why growing up can be painful.

growing up is a thing i have to face always, on a daily basis. frankly, it often scares me stiff when i picture me in five, ten years. or even in the next few months. only four more years to twenty, and sixteen years have passed by just as quickly as the wind blows. adulthood staring me in the face, beckoning at times and yet, frightening at others. i'm not sure i'm ready for it. there are so many more responsibilities when you're grown up. more privileges, yes, but certainly more responsibilities as well. many i was just too idealistic when i was younger. adulthood isn't all that carefree as i pictured it. and sometimes i wish i could just do nothing and slouch around on the couch, eating chips (i might just end up with a bigger belly this holidays), and sleep. but that's not reality.

i don't want to grow up, and yet i want to. it's a paradox (don't you just love that word? the creators of the english language were poetic even in the phonetics) that i have to face. i want freedom and excitement and fun that adulthood brings, but i don't want the responsibilities and cares. i know that's terrible, because i need be be able to handle these sort of things. that's why it always comforts me when i remember that i can cast all my cares on Him, for He can and will carry me through. it's beautiful, really, when i think about it.

p.s: read a post i wrote over summer on growing up.


6.10.13

this is gab

photo courtesy of n.
this is gab.

a.k.a. gabby, gabsicles, gabriella, bi. [her real name is gabrielle]

i knew her ever since i was born. our papas were good friends in secondary school, so we are pretty old friends. she's short [sorry, girl! but short = concentrated awesomeness, right? ♥], fiery, bubbly, and totally knows how to have a good laugh.

we weren't always good friends, though. there was a time when we were little that i used to dislike her immensely because she was fun to be around and everybody liked her and my other best friend loved hanging around her and i thought she was being bossy and whatever. i can't remember all the grievances against her, but i only know that because our parents were really good friends, we went on holidays together, attended the same church, and pretty much saw each other frequently. so i had to learn some serious lessons about friendship.

okay, so long story short, there was one explosion we had at cameron highlands, malaysia, when we just pissed at each other and didn't talk for half of the holiday. it was silent treatment until i realized that i was a little [well, maybe very] selfish and stupid for being angry at her for no justifiable reason. and then we made up and were best friends again.

but then we stopped attending the same church, and stopped the weekly meetups and crazy hangouts. it was really depressing, believe me. once in a while, we do a get-together and everyone has a smashing time catching up, teasing, laughing, eating, and reminiscing the "good 'ol times."

so this is gab--small, bubbly, lively, laughter.

//

we had one of those crazy get-together a while ago. it was, simply crazy awesome.
kindred spirits with this girl? you bet.

profile ii.



25.9.13

this is ash + a happy birthday

me-left. ash-right.


this is ash.

{well, perhaps i should say 'this is natasha' but i call her ash, so it doesn't really matter does it?}

i knew her ever since i was about eight or nine. she was a quiet girl, always standing there with her younger brother, hair neatly braided. she never really participated in the games i came up with [such as who-can-roll-the-fastest-on-the-floor-to-the-end-of-the-room game], and was usually regarding me and the other boisterous kids playing with me with a very suspicious eye.

but no matter. i didn't really care too much. too busy mussing up my clothes and hair maybe. anyways, she popped over to our new church when both of us were about eleven, and because i had been praying for a girl my age, she seemed to answer my prayers. it was pretty awesome until i discovered we had so many differences.

she hates cheese, i love it.
she despises dressing up. i adore it.
she'd rather not hug. i love hugs.
she doesn't like heights / roller coasters. boy, do i love them.
she's typically a leader. i'm not.
she talks only when she has something legit to say. i tend to ramble.

i had to learn how to overcome them, how to give in sometimes, how to control my temper, how to state opinions in ways that didn't hurt people. she taught me a lot. and in the past 5 years, our friendship has grown and matured. it wasn't just a short sprint; no, it was a marathon that i had to run. and although we've had tons of disagreements and fights, we've stuck through till today. she knows exactly when i just want to talk and rant, and want her to reply, and when i just need a shoulder to cry on. never mind that she's sometimes too bossy :), i mean we all have our weaknesses. never mind that she's the same age as me, her wisdom far surpasses her years. she's calm, cool and she listens.

even though we are very different [we both DO love chocolate and sweets, though], we enjoy hanging out. earlier this year, we met at j.co just to talk and tease ha. and we had a smashing time. [we were supposed to meet for lunch, but we decided doughnuts were a better choice. we're awesome like that.]

so this is ash--slender, different, bossy, lovely.


{and today's her birthday. we're going out to ice skate at the j.cube ice ring on friday. i'm sure it's going to be rockin' fun (photos hopefully coming soon!).
happy sweet sixteen darling ♥  just wanna say thank you for putting up with me. i'm not the best at time, but you've been simply ah-mazinga. when i heard this, it made me think of you. Ü}


//

 ♥♥
in which i do a profile of one the closest kindred spirits by me.

20.9.13

once upon another moon



once upon another time, when we were so close. when we shared our hearts, lives, and dreams. when we truth-or-dared one another with dire consequences. when we dreamed about the future. when we silently cursed growing up because it brought us further apart. (when i dreaded it even more and cried for quite a while.)

it's a full moon tonight. not just any moon. but the deep, wax-yellow moon with the halo of light around it, just as how it was always had been. as i stared up at it, the beautiful wax-yellow light it shed, i remembered. i remembered how our families used to eat together so often, and the stupid random funny conversations we had. my inside ached for the times. a breeze caught my hair and played with it for a while. i breathed deeply. breathed in that familiar smell of balmy nights laughing and teasing. breathed in the memories and let them sink. sink right down into the bottom of my heart, where i hoped they would be kept forever and always.

bittersweet. isn't that the word they use to describe chocolate? maybe that would fit us. we were bittersweet. sometimes nice, other times not so. and because we were, the memories became that too. they were bittersweet, capable of evoking a sense of warmth but all too capable of bringing hurt. but bittersweet all the same.


//

i thought of many people while writing this.
many people, but mainly t.c.b. and q.w.



ps: thanks for all the lovely comments. you all are darlings, and if you haven't any time to do the blog challenge thingamajig, then no worries :) love you all ♥♥