a flyleaf

a raw collection of words from my heart

5.4.17

the song of us | here's a piece of my heart (ii)


It was a quiet Saturday evening. Those kinds of evenings when it seemed you could just sink into the deep silence and silently fall through the cracks to the other dimension, slipping into a million melodies just waiting to be discovered.
We met by accident.
You were a warm, pulsating melody that swelled and eased like the tide. Notes hurriedly strung together as you attempted to construct a greeting. (I ended up receiving an unintentional compliment, not that I'm complaining about it.) I didn't know much, but I knew I really wanted to hear your tune over and over again.
Walking with you down corridor after corridor, finding excuses to somehow prolong our conversation--I laugh as I catch myself mid thought. Your eyebrows raise and I laugh again because you look so ridiculous. Really ridiculous. There is not a chance I would tell this to you now, I think to myself. Maybe next time when we have years of friendship behind us. Maybe next time.

We meet once, twice, many times more after that. It's built on friendly excuses, until you finally tell me that you love the tune I play, the trills and occasional random arpeggios thrown into the score that lilts on. For that moment my heart sings because, me too! Man, how blessed can I get? And I tell you, this time out loud, I have fallen for your warm chords and deep tunes.

And thus, the song of you and me began.

You slowly help me mend the cracks of silence that had threatened to swallow me. We seal them, but leave enough space for the haunting melodies to filter through. I liked it better that way, I told you. Then I can still discover the undiscovered melodies. You laughingly joke that it's alright, as long as I still loved your tune the most. What a silly thing to say! That is something that will never change.

Whenever you laugh, I want the whole world to see how it colours my world and sets my heart skipping the occasional beat. But I suppose, some things are best loved alone.

I don't think you know how deeply I feel in love with you, but it's more than I can ever bring myself to say or admit. We write melodies and paint them in silver and pastel, and the tune goes on and on.

I have found the one whom my soul loves.



//
wow a FOUR MONTH hiatus ??? what is life
this post is long looOOong overdue but i legitimately just wrote it a few hours ago
(that's how little i've been writing for the past few months i'm ashamed)
it's fresh off the press, yall.
(also i just got a TON of cake samples. God is good. love u all muchly)

24.12.16

a crack in the starlit sky

image from tumblr
i humbly recommend this track for your listening pleasure
---

I caught a glimpse of paradise today.

It was a peculiar feeling, seeing something you’re so familiar with but have never actually seen.

For the first time, gazing out a plane window at 4AM, I saw the stars. Not just the rare one or two bright ones bravely shining through the noisy city lights, but a whole sky full of it.

And I remember thinking, Wow, this is one star too many.


I was, and still am, a city girl. Born and bred with the glaring lights of rush and noise to suffocate my senses. I have never seen the stars I write about so often, felt the cool moss beneath my bare feet, or lay in fields with the evening sun warming my face. I felt an odd sense of guilt when I realised just how glorious the pattern of the heavens was, how I’d been talking all these time about something I never really knew. 

So maybe what I’m trying to say very imperfectly is that writing has taken me places I could have only dreamed about.

When I write about the mountains and the stars and the songs the wind sings, a piece of me is there. When I’m broken, I engrave the words of my Father into the crevices of my heart. When my soul sings, I pencil in that song to my memory where I can keep it for eternity.

I feel like Christmas eve is an appropriate time for such reflections. Staring up into the sky this evening made me feel so small and pale in comparison, but I know of Someone loved me enough to send His own Son to this earth, with a bright lonely star to watch over His cradle, for the redemption of a girl who cannot love enough on her own.



The stars were never one too many or one too few.


//

Only a few more hours to Christmas, so happy (almost) Christmas!! May you be filled with love & joy this season, and not forget the life behind why we remember this beautiful day.

p.s.: still working on part ii of here's a piece of my heart!! so excited to finish this ♥ so much love for you all.

22.12.16

here's a piece of my heart | part i.

image from tumblr

7.15am again, and I am sitting precariously on the rusty chair of this forlorn coffee shop.


You are sitting across the table and every fibre in my body is straining to keep my eyes on the steam wistfully pooling around the cup's rim. Because I can't swim and your eyes are too deep for me to stay afloat.


I crack a joke and cringe as it falls flat, but you must know that humour is my self defence because you laugh and ask if everything's going on alright.


And for that moment I almost lose myself. I want tell you everything I know. That you make me feel like the most beautiful person when I'm around you. That the stars shine the brightest in your eyes when you laugh. That π is a perfect name for your dog. That even though I teach formulas for a living, I'll never begin to solve the puzzle of how I fell for the lonely man in the coffee shop.


But I don't, because you are grinning again and I know my story is a sad one, one that would stain your smile and hang heavily on your heart.


So I sit there and laugh like I'm fine as we joke over simpler things that matter less and gaze at the town as it slowly wakens through the frosted windows. And for that moment I can pretend that all is well with the world.



[ at 8.00am I leave ]

//

HELLO MY DEAREST PEOPLE. I'm so sorry for dropping off the face of this planet but college has been incredible (but crazy, incredible crazy, crazily incredible, heh) so I haven't been around this space forever. I've missed this but it takes awhile to start my writing engine again. I'm thinking of having a part 2 (!!) so hang around for it alright!! Hope your holidays have been going on beautifully; I know mine has ♥ I"VE MISSED THIS SO MUCH AKSAJDSJDKLSJDA it's good to be back (for however long, it's still good.)