a raw collection of words from my heart

20.8.15

hush, hush

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i'm sitting here, in the brightly-lit lobby. nerves tumbling, palms sweating, hands trembling. waiting for the clock to tell me that it's time. new things are hard to do, new people are hard to meet, new mistakes are hard to forgive.

the boy sits across the room, reclined on a chair, fingers absentmindedly stroking his guitar. i forget my nerves for a moment as i watch his fluid movements. the guitar is coloured like the earth i'm so familiar with, like the soil and dirt i want to be sitting on, laughing and smiling.

but i am here.

in this artificially clean and spotless place that is lit too brightly with fluorescent lights, making it hard to gaze into people's souls. my eyes hurt from the light reflecting off the shiny marble floor.

i leave and use the bathroom one, two, three times before i settle again on my chair. the fabric of my skirt is harsh against my thigh and my body is itching to be free again. the clock still has not moved and time has never moved more slowly.

the lobby empties of the morning crowd and soon, it is just me and the boy with the slender fingers stroking his guitar in a calming, rhythmic way. it's hypnotising, and i see the warm, fresh smell of earth surrounding each stroke as it dies away into the next. my heart beat slows from its excited state and falls into a pulsating pattern to match his movements.

the boy looks up. after what seems like eternity, our eyes break away and he stands up to leave.

i don't have to look back at the clock to know it's time.


//

i started job shadowing a local hospital on monday, and it has been such a great experience so far. this is something i drafted while waiting in the lobby on monday morning. every morning i wake up nervous about me screwing up and looking stupid, but at the same time excited at what i will learn. if you guys could keep me in prayer or in your thoughts i would appreciate it so, so much ♥♥
i honestly have so much love for you all *hugs*

13.8.15

the 777 challenge

tumblr magic


the 777 challenge
so dearest cally from words passing you by AND the awesome olivia from the summer of 1999 did the thing and TAGGED me for this uber awesome challenge i couldn't pass on.

*hands cally some pretty wildflowers from the mountain because she's a mountain girl*
*showers olivia with bagels & tea bags 'cause her /about/ page tells me she loves them*
(heehee ♥)

sorry if i missed anyone who tagged me! just let me know and i'll edit the post to give you some well-deserved cool things too<3<3

//

the rules are:
  • share 7 lines from the 7th page of one of your manuscripts
  • tag 7 bloggers


(cally said she "cheated" doing the challenge but i'm definitely doing it wayyy worse meh)

  1. firstly, as much as it pains me to admit this, i do not have any legitimate manuscripts of long stories i wrote *cringes and waits for protests from riot crowds* yeah yeah, i know i love writing and everything but i don't actually have a manuscript (??) the closest i have is a book of quotes and thoughts i write down when i'm inspired.
  2. secondly, because it's a scribble+doodle book, some of the pages are blank. so the closest i could get for a page seven was page eight *cries*
  3. thirdly, i don't even have close to seven lines on that one page sigh. so i'm just sharing everything i wrote on that page.

well. that was a full confession of my failings at following a simple challenge (teehee). here is the long awaited line from my manuscript-that-isn't-really-a-manuscript:

and i cried for all the girls who wouldn't know how beautiful they looked when they woke up with bedheads and scars on their wrists and hearts and pillows damp with tears


i really hope you guys enjoyed this simple post! oh and before i forget, here are seven other amazing bloggers i will tag:

  1. laurel from Laurel Crowned
  2. ashy from A Piece of My Sky
  3. arushee from Unadorned Gifts
  4. jollygirl from Reflections of a Jolly Girl
  5. bekah from Found and Cherished
  6. tane from Fifth Out of Ten
  7. rachel from Silent Shadows
  8. YOU <3
(there we go. i broke every dang rule of this challenge, good grief, i'm a rebel.)

if y'all have already done it or are not able to for whatever reason, don't stress! 
sending so much love from over here *hugs*

Ü

8.8.15

you are worth every second



i will never tell you to stop because you deserve this dance beneath the stars, with the moon casting light on your slender figure and the waves lapping at your feet.

i will never tell you to wait because you are called to run further than i can ever imagine, to the well where the sun rests in gleaming pools and the water cascades into the rocky light.


and when you come back for me after five, ten, fifteen years, i'll be here waiting.

we will sit down for tea and you will ask me how i have been.

and i will say that i have never been better.

and you will do that smile again, and we will laugh and remember the old days and pretend that we could go back in time. but we can't, and we won't, and all we have now are memories of things long dead and buried.

we will visit our old graves and point to the fields where we lay in long ago with hands intertwined and heads tilted towards the sun.

we will do this, just you and me, and we will be happy.


then you will take off again into the unknown. too soon, too fast for me to say i loved, love, and will always love

you.



//

i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!
have a beautiful weekend, everyone.
sending so much love from over here *hugs* ♥

to credit the bloggers for the idea to this piece will take exceptionally long because everyone i've been reading has been so inspiring of late 
this is the result of reading all of y'all blogs and going "ugh, my heart" every.single.time. but i want to give an special mention to ADDY for her three little pigs post because that has been the main inspiration for this.  (okay this is really ramble-y now, i'll stop *grins*).

4.8.15

b • r • e • a • t • h • e

via tumblr magic
tumblr love

breathe.
eat some ice cream.
look up and count the clouds.

breathe.
close your eyes against the sun.
see the black swimming against your eyelids before--

breathe.
it's funny how quiet things are in your mind.
the world, there's too much.

breathe.
noise.
it's too harsh and bright. not now.

breathe.
ouch. your legs have gone numb.
how long have you been here?

breathe.
if you stopped moving long enough
will the world stop?

breathe?
(yes, breathe.
don't stop; that's good.)

breathe.
the word breathe sounds funny here.
it sounds light and passing and trivial.

breathe.
it doesn't sound like it will last.
not forever, anyways.

breathe.
how long will yours last?
long enough to make more people smile, you hope.

breathe.
you feel the sun warming the grass.
it's time to wake up.



//


askdsdjkkjl
to be honest, i don't even know what i just wrote.
just some random thoughts and feelings floating around in me that i had to write down.
i just had to pen it down even if it doesn't just quite make sense, you know that feel? 

comment your thoughts on this piece below, pretty please? :) 


i really, really want to hear what you think of it!

♥♥♥