a raw collection of words from my heart

15.10.13

something different

doesn't this just kill it. with the honey sugar strawberries and whatever thing is at the bottom (cake maybe)
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someone asked me the other day, "so how does it feel turning another year older?" i don't know, but i think it feels more tiring and exhilarating. oxymoron-ish maybe but true all the same. you get more responsibilities, yes more freedom but more duties to fulfill. more expectations to life than ever before, especially in the teen years. there is this certain expectancy that i have to be more mature maybe, less fooling around. is that the stereotype? i don't know, but i don't feel like growing up just yet. i want to delay it for a bit and enjoy my childhood. do some fun stuff, you know, like dancing in the rain, dressing up, run around with a bright green balloon. fun stuff, kiddie activities.

the other day, some close family friends and i met up at the airport for dinner. it had been a while since we had this get-together so we had a good time. the little ones wanted to go for slides, so we brought them and took the skytrain just for fun. it had been so long since i did kiddie things like prance around in the skytrain and pretend it was a spaceship leaving earth (not saying i did though). we got to the slides still in one piece and watched the little kids scream and slide down, cheering for them as they reached the end. then one of us (ahem) had the brilliant idea. since we were below two meters, we could go for it...and couldn't we though? so we waited for our turns and tried to avoid the awkward stares for other teens walking past the slides. not to mention the entire time we were giggling. then we did it. slid down all the way, screaming and cheering and laughing. reminiscing the days when we were just kids.

so i've compiled a list of sixteen things (somewhere up there in a new page) that i aim to do by next year 15th october 2014. no promises that i'll do everything, but i'll try (especially since some of them i'm almost sure i cannot get them done).

so tally-ho, thus opens year 16.

6.10.13

this is gab

photo courtesy of n.
this is gab.

a.k.a. gabby, gabsicles, gabriella, bi. [her real name is gabrielle]

i knew her ever since i was born. our papas were good friends in secondary school, so we are pretty old friends. she's short [sorry, girl! but short = concentrated awesomeness, right? ♥], fiery, bubbly, and totally knows how to have a good laugh.

we weren't always good friends, though. there was a time when we were little that i used to dislike her immensely because she was fun to be around and everybody liked her and my other best friend loved hanging around her and i thought she was being bossy and whatever. i can't remember all the grievances against her, but i only know that because our parents were really good friends, we went on holidays together, attended the same church, and pretty much saw each other frequently. so i had to learn some serious lessons about friendship.

okay, so long story short, there was one explosion we had at cameron highlands, malaysia, when we just pissed at each other and didn't talk for half of the holiday. it was silent treatment until i realized that i was a little [well, maybe very] selfish and stupid for being angry at her for no justifiable reason. and then we made up and were best friends again.

but then we stopped attending the same church, and stopped the weekly meetups and crazy hangouts. it was really depressing, believe me. once in a while, we do a get-together and everyone has a smashing time catching up, teasing, laughing, eating, and reminiscing the "good 'ol times."

so this is gab--small, bubbly, lively, laughter.

//

we had one of those crazy get-together a while ago. it was, simply crazy awesome.
kindred spirits with this girl? you bet.

profile ii.



2.10.13

what if

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some nights, i think very deep thoughts. tonight's one of those. i'm just thinking, you know, what if i never accomplish what i want in my life? what if i never get married? what if i die still young? what if i become socially awkward? what if my eyes forever stay small? what if my freckles never go away? what if someone eats the last bit of double chocolate ice cream in the freezer?

-but also more deeper thoughts, like-

what if God had never predestined me? what if i was still lost in darkness? what would it to be constantly depressed? what it be like to never know the true Light? what if i didn't exist? what if i was born in another country, in another family? who am i? what am going to do with my future?


i don't have all the answers yet. but i feel safer knowing that i'm not in control of my life's story. He is. i don't need to know all the answers. all i need to know is that He came down for me, and loves me with so much passion that He would agree to exchange His life for mine, on that beautifully dreadful day. that's why i owe Him so much, and He can take my life and use it for His glory.