a raw collection of words from my heart

26.2.15

real or not real.

“You,” he said, “are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world,
and that, I believe is why you are in so much pain.”

-emilie autumn-
the asylum for wayward victorian girls


via tumblr


Please, don't stop. Don't stop being authentic and real and contagious with life to be lived. I might not know the quiet details of your life, but I know this: you are unashamed of joy and proud to smile. In that few spaces of time I saw you, your smile spoke more truth than any conversation I could have had with you. It wasn't just a smile; it was one of few genuine ones I have seen. And that blessed my soul today. You are something real, in a terribly false world. Pain is gonna come, but don't stop.

Don't you dare be afraid to stop
loving, giving, living.

Because darling, after all, what's life without these?

//

my (imaginary) first meeting with you,
my lovely readers

i hope this made your eyes smile today
because that, my friend, is one of the beautiful(est) smiles

20.2.15

eternity in one moment | it's fiction time (v.)



meeting you again that day was like eternity compressed into one moment. it was like an adrenaline rush of memories that left me breathless. you might have caught me off guard, and i've told myself over and over again not to be caught surprised. but i did. and i guess it's okay, you know. it's fine to mess up sometimes. thinking back, i wonder if i might have surprised you as well.

i know ever since then, we've changed. you've changed, just look at you. but i don't want to change. i want to still live in the past. maybe it's selfish and, worse still, maybe you think i'm selfish, but that doesn't change it. your eyes tell me to live in the now. let's just move on, you say. but do you know how hard it is for me to move on? moving on means pushing memories away, it means forgetting. and i don't want to forget. it's too much to me to forget. i want to remember every single moment forever.

you know, the idea of eternity scares me sometimes. maybe because my mind can't comprehend it. maybe it's too vast and wide and abstract for me to grasp. but i think, that day when i met you again, it was almost like eternity, in one split second.


|| eternity flies ||




found this in my old drafts. i don't know why i never posted it, but here it is now!


oh, it's chinese new year and i'm in malaysia having way too much food and sleeping too much.
whatever, judge if you will ;)
have a beautiful day xxx.

15.2.15

imperfection + happy (belated) v-day

(i know i just posted yesterday, but i did pre-write this post specifically for v-day, so haha.
whatever, in any case, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it xx)



i am not perfect.


Sometimes, I find myself having to constantly
Replay this little phrase in my head.


i am not perfect. i am not perfect.


Thoughts of anger
and bitterness swell,
They steal the joy for
others' triumphs,
They wrangle the contentment
at the simple joys of life.


i cannot be perfect.


Perfection may be is something
I will never be able to attain.


/a • tel • o • pho • bia/


Fear of imperfection.
Fear of never being
Good enough for myself,
Much less
a n y o n e

but i forget
i was never called
to be perfect

on my
own


He tells me:
"There is no
Fear
In Love"

there is no fear

in

l o v e


I'm soaked in His Love
Constant
Unending
Everlasting

Through my imperfections
He shines
Perfect
Beautiful
Holy


I remember now

I was never called to be perfect

I was called

To Love
To Glorify
To Reflect

Him


"I must decrease, and He must increase"


:: "if i told you i was perfect, i would have been lying" ::


{cite}
tumblr image
1 John  4:18
John 3:30
quote off the internet


{a little valentine's / single-awareness day / love post for all my readers who i heart. hope this blesses your day.
also, i'm been obsessed with smoothies in a completely weird way. they're so good ugh xx}

14.2.15

back into His arms

(note: this is a word-filled, picture-less post sorry xx)

I suck at being a Christian.
No kidding.


I'm too easily distracted // Wilfully distracted by things I know will drive my attention away from important things. Staying away from distractions is hard, and it needs discipline, and sometimes (more often than not) I get tired. I get tired of fighting to be focused. I get tired of turning away when I see something, not necessarily bad but not necessarily vital for my emotional/spiritual/mental/social wellbeing either.

I'm too easily put off // Doubting people's (often) sincere intentions. I get upset when people misunderstand me. I am frustrated at people's stereotype of who they think I am. And the worst part, I am put off by my own inability to love like Christ.

I'm too easily bought over // Lies, the lies of this world, are a plenty. Many of them are half-truths, some are blatant lies, others are white lies. You give me a sad story that I can empathise with, and chances are I'll side with you. Better yet if you get a hold of my fragile emotions and invoke tears. Sometimes this is good. It helps me relate to people. But, other times, it causes me to question my beliefs based on a single sad story. Like, hey Elisabeth, are you even serious? You have spent all your years understanding the Bible from inside out, knowing that certain things are sins and other things are unto righteousness, and I give you a sad story and you almost immediately side with me? What even? This causes me frustration as I ponder on my fragility and weakness, and my incapability to stand firm.


Something happened earlier today that made me lose control and become the broken and confused monster that never really left me when I accepted Christ. I cannot understand why sometimes God allows these to happen, but I think know that through these I am made perfect in my weakness. My weakness is what makes me human, and it is also what makes me need Christ. Christianity is all about relying on Someone other than yourself to save you; some people say they would rather save themselves, but honey, how can you save yourself when you don't know what you're saving yourself from?

It's almost one AM now, and I'm probably the only one awake in my home. It's quiet, and I finally have time to think and wonder, what is one thing in my life that I would die for. Because really, that's the motivation of my life. I used to say without thinking, Jesus Christ. But if I'm really honest with myself, truly truly honest, I don't even know what to say.

Academic motivations and plans for the future cloud my vision of Christ right now, and I can't see Him clearly. Entertainment and music musk the sweet smell of His presence. I know I know I know. But knowing, it's not enough.
Where to start? Where to begin to erase the dirts and smudge marks I've made over the once clear image of Him?

I guess I have to start where I started once.

Back in His arms.

4.2.15

storm of lies | it's fiction time (iv.)

via tumblr

let the words burn as they leave your throat
chilling the air around you
he asked for it, no one can blame
your patience that is worn
so thin

let the seas roar as they rush
down, down
to the pool beneath your feet
no apologies, not now
not ever

let the skies rumble as black clouds darken
eyes like a storm of grey
turn, turn
you are the eye of the storm
calm and raging

let the wind howl
let the storm rage
let your love be lost in the gale
it has happened before
it will happen again

but you will learn to love once more



inspired by:

It’s funny, you only really know what someone thinks of you
when you know what lies they’ve told you.
-doctor who-


today has been a cold, drear day and it felt appropriate to be inspired for this.
and bazinga! it's already february. craaazy.

hope you like this piece as much as i liked to write it
xx.