field of dreams

the colours leak from the shadows
and a faint lavender glow is scattered through the field
i am here--
again.
i lick my cracked lips
and then sit
before the silence strangles me,

it is the time before darkness and light
the moon slowly melts into the paled sky
the lost dreams are creeping back into night
my heart, strange and hollow
i can feel it--
aching,

i want to scream into the horizon
with its fading stars
and tell them--
wait.
i have no words left in me
and no strength left to shout,

but i am the girl that chased tomorrow!
i saw the wells of light at the end of the worlds
i cried for all the broken dreams
and laughed at the ones that bloomed
i am freckled with sun
bathed with tears
i've seen the sky cry at dusk
and the ocean spilt by lightning,

why have i come to this field?
i can't quite--
remember.
there are dead visions buried here
i know it,
the air is filled with tears and sleepless nights
i can taste them on my tongue,

i come to realise
as the time crawls by
that i am just another shadow passing
a ghost of a happier time
sent to watch this field of death
and mourn for my lost--
dream,

//

i hope you like this; i've been thinking a lot about deaths of visions, & how God works through them.

continue to keep me in prayer!

i've been busy with college apps & interviews & internships & all the (ahem) fun stuff hahaha.

i'll definitely be popping in and posting/reading your fab posts as much as i can! <3

so much love xx

fearless love

magic from tumblr

i will tell you the things i am afraid of.

i am afraid of the dark when it spirals into oblivion,
of the light that blinds the tender eye,
of second before the storm,
of the song that shreds the heart.

i am afraid of the bright music i hear when you laugh,
of the sky that colours your brown, curly hair,
of your kind voice that says hello,
of the sea that reflects your smiling eyes.

i am afraid.

but, let me tell you what i love.

i love the dark that casts wandering shadows on my face,
the light that patterns the dusty floors,
the storm that rages with passion,
the song that sings through the air.

i love the warmth of your laughter,
the sky that beams lights of gold and orange,
your voice that rolls like music over the hills,
the sea that we splashed in that morn.

i am afraid, and love.
i love, and am afraid.

let me show you it's okay to be both.

//

this post is dedicated to you all because one hundred of you beautiful cupcakes decided to follow along. and it's also dedicated to the start of 2016, so it's appropriate :)

thank you thank you thank you my sweet little peas for ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS

((you can't see me right now but i'm like dancing all over the place))

i adore you all, and i'm so glad i made this journey with YOU.

i couldn't have asked for anyone better to cheer my days up with incredible comments, and read my posts, and appreciate my writing even when i didn't, and forgave my awful hiatus(es) when i didn't have anything i thought good enough to post. i might not have met you in real life but you, YES, you darling, are incredible.

i am so thankful to God for you!

and, darling, have a smashing 2016.

♥

ghosts of yesterday

tumblr

i fell in love with his eyes first, those sparkling green orbs that shone like the sea.
then, his hands. rough and brown from the years of war, silent painful stories buried in his veins.
next, his smile. that crooked and crinkly grin that slipped when he forgot his mask.

oh, the years we had together were the golden days. he brought me wild flowers from our backyard, scattered among the thorns so his hands got rougher as our home grew lovelier. and i loved them. he started school for the villagers in our little home, so we could spend time with the children we could never have. and i loved them, oh so much. he, both of us, worked so hard to make our life perfect, and for a time, it was.

we spent marvellous years together, but as he grew older, i watched as he slowly slipped into the untold stories of his war years. i would hold him as he woke up, forehead beading with sweat and eyes glowing with fear. i stroked his hand as the fever worsened and ebbed away and came back even stronger. i cried silently as the doctor gave me little hope to cling to, and cradled the head of curly brown.

and finally, when i was just another ghost from his yesterday, i told him to let go.

i buried him in our backyard, where he was the happiest gathering flowers to brighten my days. with only the wild flowers and thorns to watch him as he slept in peace for eternity.

((this is so sad but i guess it reminds me not to take any moment with loved ones for granted))
hope you had a meeeerry christmas! may God's love continue to shine in your lives.

y'all have all my love <3

xx