i think i care too much

i think i have a problem.

i care way too much. small things which were meant to be nothing mean the world to me, and i fuss over them like the universe depended upon it. things that people just casually mention, things that literally nobody pays attention to, i see meaning in them. and unfortunately, i think it's directed purposefully at me. and i either 1) curl up into a ball and wither, 2) heatedly defend myself (resulting in me looking real stupid), 3) hold a grudge against that person.

this is a very unfortunate problem, as you can imagine. and sometimes i wind up arguing with someone over something that was simply in my head. why. why why why why.

i'm still thinking of a solution. the only apparent one? care less. but frankly, i don't think that'll work.

this is definitely not a solution, but still. it makes me smile. (:

#despicableme2isprettyawesomeventhoughihavenotwatchedityet

xoxo.

flit, fly // summer 05

image source

she was in a field. filled with dandelions and dying grass.

beautiful, life and death merging.

fly higher.

the words resounded in her mind as she struggled to differentiate reality and fantasy.

she could feel the familiar, gentle push of the wind.

stop it.

she wanted to stay and rest in this little sanctuary, rest her weary self.

instead, the wind drove her forward relentlessly.

surrendering was probably a better idea.

to

let

herself

fly

higher,

and

high-er,

h-i-g-h-e-r

until it seemed like she never existed.

flit, fly

memories,

gone by

//

<footnote> just some snippets of random scribbles

growing up // summer 04

original photo

very long ago, when we were still young, when we thought the world revolved around us, when we had no cares in this world, i thought that our time together was forever. that nothing would ever pull us away from being the bestest of friends.

then we all had to grow up.

slowly, but surely, we stopped seeing each other every other day. stopped our amazing holidays to other countries together. stopped these, and starting meeting new people, seeing new things, experiencing fresh enjoyments. and, i suppose, that is growing up.

bittersweet memories of how we used to fight, give silent treatment, and then make up again.

of how we used to play like a bunch of hooligans.

of how we used to tell everyone we were siblings.

of how we would exchange secrets, and dream together of the future.

and now, we've gone our separate ways. friends still, just apart for a while. growing up? maybe, but i've yet to get used to it.

sometimes these memories, carefully stowed safely at the back of my mind, slip out and make me long for times long past. and when i breathe in the fresh and cool night air, the memories of long ago, pleasant and soothing, haunt me, evoking a sense of loneliness for that time. and sometimes, i wish we could just escape back in time, and be who we were.

the world kinda gets complicated once you're older, doesn't it? more cares, more responsibilities, more duties to fulfill.

and i just want to freeze that moment, back in time, and remember everything. i've learnt to treasure those memories, every single one.

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.” 

- Ally Condie, Matched -