what if

via tumblr

some nights, i think very deep thoughts. tonight's one of those. i'm just thinking, you know, what if i never accomplish what i want in my life? what if i never get married? what if i die still young? what if i become socially awkward? what if my eyes forever stay small? what if my freckles never go away? what if someone eats the last bit of double chocolate ice cream in the freezer?

-but also more deeper thoughts, like-

what if God had never predestined me? what if i was still lost in darkness? what would it to be constantly depressed? what it be like to never know the true Light? what if i didn't exist? what if i was born in another country, in another family? who am i? what am going to do with my future?

i don't have all the answers yet. but i feel safer knowing that i'm not in control of my life's story. He is. i don't need to know all the answers. all i need to know is that He came down for me, and loves me with so much passion that He would agree to exchange His life for mine, on that beautifully dreadful day. that's why i owe Him so much, and He can take my life and use it for His glory.

the little happy things {1-15}

1. when the strangers you smile at smile back

2. screaming and cheering during games

3. looking into people's eyes and seeing something you never saw before

4. picking up the school vibe

5. listening to disney music

6. rainy afternoons curled up in your bed

7. colorful stationary and accessories that make you happy

8. smelling coffee brewing in the kitchen on a rainy day

9. having blurry conversations before dropping off to sleep

10. eating the best cookies two days in a row

11. daydreaming about nothing much, really
12. yelling singing out favorite music in random situations
13. scraping off the whipped cream from the cake and eating it
14. when your brother tells you you're pretty
15. listening over and over again the chords of a beautifully sad song

//

{inspired by jenn}

today is prissy's birthday. happy birthday darling. you're an awesome leetle sister and i just wanted you to know that ♥

this is ash + a happy birthday

me-left. ash-right.

this is ash.

{well, perhaps i should say 'this is natasha' but i call her ash, so it doesn't really matter does it?}

i knew her ever since i was about eight or nine. she was a quiet girl, always standing there with her younger brother, hair neatly braided. she never really participated in the games i came up with [such as who-can-roll-the-fastest-on-the-floor-to-the-end-of-the-room game], and was usually regarding me and the other boisterous kids playing with me with a very suspicious eye.

but no matter. i didn't really care too much. too busy mussing up my clothes and hair maybe. anyways, she popped over to our new church when both of us were about eleven, and because i had been praying for a girl my age, she seemed to answer my prayers. it was pretty awesome until i discovered we had so many differences.

she hates cheese, i love it.

she despises dressing up. i adore it.

she'd rather not hug. i love hugs.

she doesn't like heights / roller coasters. boy, do i love them.

she's typically a leader. i'm not.
she talks only when she has something legit to say. i tend to ramble.

i had to learn how to overcome them, how to give in sometimes, how to control my temper, how to state opinions in ways that didn't hurt people. she taught me a lot. and in the past 5 years, our friendship has grown and matured. it wasn't just a short sprint; no, it was a marathon that i had to run. and although we've had tons of disagreements and fights, we've stuck through till today. she knows exactly when i just want to talk and rant, and want her to reply, and when i just need a shoulder to cry on. never mind that she's sometimes too bossy :), i mean we all have our weaknesses. never mind that she's the same age as me, her wisdom far surpasses her years. she's calm, cool and she listens.

even though we are very different [we both DO love chocolate and sweets, though], we enjoy hanging out. earlier this year, we met at j.co just to talk and tease ha. and we had a smashing time. [we were supposed to meet for lunch, but we decided doughnuts were a better choice. we're awesome like that.]

so this is ash--slender, different, bossy, lovely.

{and today's her birthday. we're going out to ice skate at the j.cube ice ring on friday. i'm sure it's going to be rockin' fun (photos hopefully coming soon!).

happy sweet sixteen darling ♥  just wanna say thank you for putting up with me. i'm not the best at time, but you've been simply ah-mazinga. when i heard this, it made me think of you. Ü}

//

 ♥♥

in which i do a profile of one the closest kindred spirits by me.