stars | it's fiction time (iii.)

i sat

i watched

i counted the stars

alone, when my heart was heavy

i sat

gazing through an open window

i watched the people pass

they're nothing like the stars

i sat

i watched

and counted the stars

that night i saw you pass

you whistled, carefree

the wind was cool

the air was light

and i smiled

all was well

i sat

and watched

as you pass again

but you stopped and turned

pushed along by the wind of fate

you saw me and smiled

frank, and genuine

beautiful

something i had never felt

blew along that breezy cool night

you asked

i blushed

but said yes all the same

what did you know of the girl you saw

who had nothing to hold on to but the stars?

you climbed up

and sat by me

silence of the beautiful kind

filled the air

now we sit

we watch

we count the stars

together, when our hearts are heavy

we laugh, we cry

more beautiful silence fills the air

the world stands still

but the stars shine on

f o r e v e r


inspired by:

"rescue me, chin boy, and show me the stars."

-clara oswald, doctor who-

#originalpoetry
all images courtesy of tumblr

(i watched guardians of the galaxy (FINALLY) yesterday and asjklwqeopterehncjjdhd IT WAS GOOD.)

(thanks for all the nominations! i'll be doing them soon.)

xxx.

"God asked me to open my hand, and he gave me the world."

Hello, there. My name is Rebekah. I'm a teenage Christian writer with a passion for serving God and others. I have my own little blog, Found and Cherished, where I share about my journeys and struggles and discoveries. Because, truly, life is one big adventure.

At the moment, a wonderful woman from my church is leading a book club for some of our teen girls. We're reading Let's all be Brave by Annie F. Downs. It's a beautiful book, and I recommend it to every person out there in this crazy world.
So. I was reading this book, devouring Miss Downs' words and thoughts and beautiful writing style.
And I came across this quote. It entered my soul without invitation, sat down by the fire, and stayed.
"God asked me to open my hand, and he gave me the world." That struck me as crazy. Opening my hand to God? But that's risky. It's like running onto a main road without looking both ways. It takes the courage that I don't have.
But that quote, that idea, had made a home in my soul. I'm staying, Rebekah, it said. For good.
So I began the long and tedious thinking process that comes with being as introspective as I am. I pondered. I thought. I listened. And I came to a conclusion.
God has a plan. He knows exactly what's going to happen. So if I open my hand, I can have peace. I might not be looking both ways on this road, but God is. So in the end, I will be a better person. But right now? Right now, I need to be brave and open my hand.
So my hands are open. Ready to receive. And already, God has given. Opportunities to serve him have popped up in just enough places to keep me busy, but to also be willing to give more.
So.
Come with me. Be brave. Be beautiful. Open your hands to God. Receive what he has in store for you. And remember, he can give you the world.
Love,
Bekah Joan
p.s. to Elisabeth, you are amazing. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to post on your beautiful blog.

softly we tread

softly we tread
on the stars of dreams
escaped
from deepest slumber


softly we tiptoe
the dreams are waking
colors
leaking from the shadows



softly we tread
past the darkness
back into light


s  o  f  t  l  y

x-x-x

my sister and had a brainwave today and came up with a song that totally matched these words. such a beautiful beautiful tune. can't wait to see if i can share it with you lovelies xx.

#sostoked

liebster award!

Soooooo, putting aside my obvious MIA for a month or so (mien apologies guys :((( I've been so bad at keeping up), I was nominated for the Liebster Award by the amazing Maisie from Hipster Apocalypse (I knowwww awesome blog name). Thank you thank you thank you so much, dear! I really appreciate it xx. These beauties are for you:

don't they look just amazing i can't guys i really need some right right right now (o, i sound like sound whiney kid eeek. perks of being a teen. you're never quite grown up and you're never quite kiddie enough. ok fine back to the award)

The rules for this tag are the following:

• Post eleven facts about yourself
• Answer the eleven questions provided by the person who nominated you
• Create an eleven question set for the next group of nominees
• Choose eleven people to nominate and link them in this post
• Let your nominees know they’ve been tagged- and no tag-backs!

eleven facts about me:

1. I am in love with food to the point of obsession.
2. I hate writing facts about myself.
3. Because I always can't think of any.
4. That's why I'm inserting these pointless words in place of the facts.
5. Because if you actually bother to read this, you'll see it.
6. But chances are (!!) you'll skip over this and think that I wrote 11 facts.
7. It's quite a good tactic, isn't it?
8. *squeals over my genius-ness*
9. But of course, the first and the last point have to be a valid fact (and a repeated fact at that).
10. To contribute to the illusion, ya know?
11. I am in love with food to the point of obsession.

sorry.

(#notsorry)

maisie's questions:

1. How old are you mentally?

Depends. I can be a curious, crazy six-year-old at time, a mature young adult at others, and just oddly in between at seventeen. I tend to stick in the limbo between thoughtful adulthood and crazy childhood.

2. If you could have dinner with any 3 people in the world (fictional, nonfic, dead or alive) who would they be and why?

Ohh, this is a good one. Um:

1) Sherlock Holmes: his amazing mind and skill of deduction has always astounded me. Of course, he's a fictional character, but it would be swell if I could really meet him haha.

Robert Downey Jr. (YASS) as Holmes

Benedict Cumberbatch (!!) as Holmes

2) Florence Nightingale: I've always been inspired by Nightingale. Her perseverance in the nursing field facing so much discrimination has amazed me countless times.

3) Morgan Freeman: I don't know. I just saw an interview he had with Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show and I was laughing so hard. It involved helium, so (ha). Go watch it, and if you're anything like me, laugh laugh and laugh. Because #helium (yasss).

3. What are your 5 favorite names?

Anne, Katie, Deb, Chris, Shawn

(wait it wasn't limit to girl names only right? eek. at this rate, i'll be breaking like all the rules of this award)

4. If you could be proficient in any 2 languages, what would they be?

Chinese (just because I'm a Chinese, and I would love to be proficient at my mother tongue xD) and German (just because it's a pretty amazing language).

5. What was the last movie you watched?

Half of How to Train Your Dragon 2. My parents stopped me when it was getting excited because we had something on (sob). I really need to finish it.

*puts it on mental to-do list*

6. What's your favorite TV show/Movie?

I love all TV shows that are mystery related / no crazy teenage romance etc etc etc. So currently I love love Sherlock, Doctor Who, Elementary, and Once Upon a Time. And I'm presently dyinngggg to watch Guardians of the Galaxy. (fangirl cries)

AKSKNEIWOFBINOCMSP;SLDSJFIAWPIOIEFN
marvel for the winnnnn

7. Apple or Android (or Windows)?

Apple for phone, Windows for PC <3

8. Favorite band?

Sorry, me don't have no favorite band. (Grammar Nazis, shoo shoo)

9. If you had to pick between eternally stuck in pajamas or formal clothes, which would you choose?

PAJAMAS PAJAMAS PAJAMAS PAJAMAS. thanks.

10. What's your favorite music and/or movie genre?

I like slow, jazzy, calming music. And my favorite music are currently from musicals like Defying Gravity, Phantom of the Opera, and Les Mis. :)

11. Where would you be right now if you had life your way?

If I had life my way, honestly, I'll be pretty scared.

Anyways, I probably would be relaxing on a premium cruise ship with loads of money I picked off a tree somewhere in the Bahamas. Just eating, swimming, relaxing, sleeping. (e.g. being a pig that can swim).

YOU KNOW WHAT. I GOOGLED SWIMMING PIGS AND APPARENTLY THERE ARE SUCH THINGS ARE SWIMMING BAHAMAS PIGS. guys i had no idea.

dawwww this is so cute <3<3

So thankfully I don't have life my way, and that my life has been shaped by many God-given factors. (I mean, I don't really relish the idea of being a swimming pig. Frankly, it's not my life goal [ha]).

Nominations:
I don't think I can nominate 11 people, but this was the closest I got (because almost all the bloggers I know have already done it so I had look for new blogs to follow! yayy) :

1. June S
2. Emily
3. Moriah
4. Cindy
5. Eve
6. Kat

(i'll be adding people along the way)

Questions:

1. What one movie totally deserve a sequel?
2. If you were a superhero, what powers would you have?
3. Favorite TV programs/movies that everyone needs to watch?
4. Who are your top 5 fictional role models?
5. Would you rather be in a: freezing cold arctic, or sweltering hot desert?
6. Would you risk your life to save another stranger's life?
7. Favorite place to go?
8. Have you ever been in a food fight and how was the experience like?
9. If you were a ruler of a country, what would you call it?
10. What about the opposite gender will you never be able to understand?
11. Which historical period would you choose to live in?

x-x-x-x

I always love doing blog awards. Your questions are always da bomb. So fun to do. My school is starting soon, and I might be busier, but I'll still try to do them. As always, thank you thank you to Maisie for the nominations and for everyone else who nominated me but haven't seen my post on the award yet but I assure you it's coming this is already a run on sentence which no one will probably read i actually sound pretty rambly and strange nvm

How you all bear with me I have no idea, but thank you and

l o v e

xx.

<all images via tumblr and the good 'ol internet>

imagine | conversations in my head (ii.)

via tumblr

if you grade me from one to ten, where would i fall?

into my a r m s

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

you know how sometimes, there are these little imaginary conversations in your head that just stick around. i get them all the time, and because i don't know where else to share them, i'm starting a blog series called:

what do you lovely people think? 

i'm tagged! (the this or that tag)

So.

{I just had to include this picture, sorry. It's so happy.}

I want to give a big shoutout (complete with firecrackers and colorful jellies) to Natasha from Savoring Each Moment and Neeli Vancore from A World of Randomness. They awarded me with the This or That Tag (!!!) and they're amazing so go check out their blogs :)

And just a note, they awarded me this like ages ago but I didn't have time to do it till now (I know, terrible, but I was having exams, so that excuse would have to suffice).

Hair up or down? I'm good with both. But hair definitely up on hot days. Dessert or fruit? Dessert for me, anytime. Unless the dessert is a fruit, which I'm totally okay with. On another note, I've been making gluten free apple crisps like nobody's business and love it so so much. Can I just say how good it is cold or hot? It's de-licious, and so flippin' easy to make. Okay I'm done. :) Dress or shirt and sweatpants? Depends on the occasion. I way prefer t-shirts and sweatpants, though. Comfort is top of my list. One Direction or Jonas Brothers? ...I'm going to have to say One Direction, just because I'm not to familiar with the Jonas Brothers. That being said, I ain't a directioner okay. But (to pacify you Directioners), they have great voices. :) Radio or iPod? iPod for me please.

Sleepover at your house or at a friend's house? Friends. Just because my house is probably too full of siblings prying through cracks in the walls and listening at keyholes to have a proper sleepover. And too many little ones to be too crazy at night without bringing down the wrath of The Mother upon us (ha ha). Cookies or apples? Is this even like a valid question. It would be cookies, duh. *chants* cookies! cookies! cookies! I love Cookie Monster by the way. <3<3<3 Oh, and Subway cookies as well.  Playing cards or painting? Neither. I don't play cards, and I can't paint or draw or do anything that requires me to portray realistic things. I can do impressionistic doodling though. (!!!) In a board game, would you rather be a green or a white piece? GREEN. SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. Sorry, I just had to say that. I don't really care about the color actually. I would rather take a bar of chocolate and use bits of it as pieces (of course I have to eat it as I go, otherwise it's no fun). (But then it'll melt and get the board and everything sticky, so.)

I'll be posting updates for what has been going on these past few (silent months) in a few days. Life has been busy, fun, crazy exciting. Like a roller-coaster ride. Which I love. Anyways, have a great summer! Go do something amazing.

xx.

come back! {a guest post by laurel}

My head hurts. I force open my eyes, only to find that I'm in a white room, with beeping sounds all around me.

It is blinding. There is too much white. I'm lying on white sheets, all the walls are painted white, and there are nurses dressed in white right in front of me.

"Where am I?" I ask, trying to sit up and failing, because my limbs are all attached to beeping machines.

"Hey! She's awake! DOCTOR WHO!" A nurse runs away, trying to get this doctor.

Doctor... Oh. I get it. I'm in a hospital.

Where are my parents? Oh gosh. My parents. My parents.

The doctor comes in, but my eyes are widened, the only thought I currently have in my mind is to find my parents.

"Where are my parents?" I ask, grabbing the doctor's arm and shaking it violently. His glasses are shaken off by the movement, but I don't care. I only shake harder.

"Ellie, you need to listen. Your parents.... You were in a car crash, both parents in the front seat. We tried everything. We really did. But they didn't make it." The doctor sighed, bending down and grabbing his glasses. He turned around, and left me in the room.

"No." I whispered. "No."

I laughed bitterly. It's April Fools anyway. This has to be a joke. This isn't real. No way. A joke. That's what it is. And yet, even then, I couldn't keep the tears from coming down.

I miss them. Already.

"Come back..." I whispered.


~*~*~*~*~

HEYYY :) :) It's Laurel guest posting from http://mymemories.blogspot.ca/! Thanks so much Liz for offering this chance to guest post and I'm just like ASDFGHJKL. Heehee, Doctor Who. Sorry, I couldn't help it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm off to Camp NaNoWriMo!

just tell me you're alright | it's fiction time (i.)

via | typography by me

a single tear worked its way down his high cheekbones.

he stole a glance at her. good, her gaze was turned towards the setting sun in the distance.

he hurriedly brushed it away, frustrated at his lack of control over his emotions and at the entire world in general.

she was the only girl he'd come this close to crying in front of, partly because she never judged him and partly because she was a cast-out in school. who would be ashamed in front of those whom were repeated cast aside, rejected, and unloved? he wasn't. she was his friend, albeit a secret friend. his friends could never hear of this. crying in front of a girl, or hanging out with a cast-out--he wasn't sure which was worse. he'd lose his position in his circle of friends if that happened.

"i was adopted you know," she interrupts his thoughts gently.

yes, he knew. that was one of the many reasons why she wasn't well-loved in school. she was an orphan living with a poor family on the edge of town. it was rumored her father had embezzled large amounts of money and died in a skirmish with the police. nobody knew who her mother was. once again he wondered why he was even talking to her. it could destroy all the friendships he ever knew. he kept silent.

"i don't know who my parents are, or whether they ever wanted me," she continued, "and that hurts."

"at least you know your parents love you," she added softly.

he looked up to search her dark eyes, not sure if he'd find envy and jealously. for him. or pity for her own portion in life. 

but her eyes were soft and...was that a hint of contentment? they were definitely peaceful considering the amount of hardships she had to bear at such a young age.

he had never look into her eyes before. at least, not since the day she found him by the stream, disconsolate and seething with rage. he'd only looked into her eyes out of surprise that she had found him. that was his secret spot, and apparently, it had been hers as well.

"some things you'll never miss until they're gone. and other things it'll take you years to realize you can live without."

her sigh that followed was highlighted with sadness and regret.

"you know if you talk in a more direct way, it'll help with your reputation in school.

just tell me directly that you want me to love my family more and pay less attention to what my friends think."

turning her eyes to hold his gaze, she murmured reproachfully, "it's not only your family. or your friends."

he was trying to figure out what she meant when she stood abruptly and stretched her legs.

"i gotta go, kevin. there's lots of work to be done." she laughed ruefully. "and i don't think you would want to be seen with me since your friends are on their way up the hill."

his friends.

sake's alive he could hear them now. was he really so deep in thought that he didn't hear that ruckus?

"thanks for the heads up, kate. i was just wondering, what did you mean when..."

he looked up, but she had fled down the hill.

he sighed.

 just imagine | ♥ it's fiction time

//

my attempt at writing fiction. the thoughts just flowed out and i rediscovered my love for writing.

i will probably continue this story when i find the time and inspiration :)

on another note: i have been swamped with school, and will be busy until end of may.

i'll be getting some guest posters though, and post when i'm free(ish). and a new blog design is on the way--so excited! :)

two-oh-one-four

“There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland.” 

-lucy maud montgomery, story girl-

i am awake before dawn, when the creases in the sky threatens to spill light and a lone star glistens overhead. there's something magical about the time before dawn. everything is quiet except for a solitary rumble of a distant car. the wind dances through the trees, making queer rustling sounds that remind me of the rustling of silken dresses. i make myself a very concentrated mixture of spicy apple cider and golden honey just to wake myself up, which burns my throat, but leaves a pleasant, tingling sensation. if one could taste sun rays, i would wholeheartedly vouch that it would taste just like that.

then i sit down to think about twenty fourteen.

i've always loved the story girl. she's one of the main characters in montgomery's book of the same name. she is dreamy, wistful, bold, passionate, loving, unpredictable. she thinks in colors, in shades of the rainbow--no wonder life is rarely dull for her. she speaks often of the golden road, a road that children can easily find, and adults rarely walk. then i realize with a start that this year begins my seventeenth year. one more year to college, three more years to twenty. it's almost time for the golden road to end and a new road to begin. but maybe, just maybe, if i try to remain a child at heart, i'll be able to visit the golden road again and look upon everything with the simple wonder and awe of a child.

twenty fourteen, i don't know what you'll bring, or what little surprises you have tucked up your sleeves.

but i promise, i'll make the golden road last for as long as i can.

late new year reflections, just because || ♥

within the cracks of sunlight

i met someone the other day. her name was failure, and she cruelly reminded me of how incomparable i was with others. i missed the passing mark by so little. yet she still showed up, determined to tell me how much i had missed the passing mark. how much my clumsy fingers floundered at various artistic skills. how terrible my expression of music was. how i couldn't do anything right.

i met someone else the other day as well. his name was bitterness. he followed me just long enough to harbor on the what failure had sneered at me. just long enough to plant that dreadful seed. no more, no less. he wasn't at all rude. he was so kind, and understanding. sympathetic even. but what he told me about others and myself hurt me far more than failure could.

know that the pull of bitterness and failure is strong. so, so strong. don't ever let them get to you like how i let them get me.

because once that happens, it's hard to forget what was once easy to let go.

||

nobody means anything, but they feel like everything. they feel like a myriad of relentless piercing throbs starting the deepest, darkest corner of my heart and spreading through me like wildfire, passionate and uncontrolled. it causes the lump in my throat at terribly inconvenient moments, and it takes everything i can muster to prevent the tears. but sometimes i can't, and i hate it when that happens.

i don't even know where difference is between me, and the illusion of me being who i am not.

i guess it all started when i tried to be someone i wasn't.

when i looked at myself and hated myself for being me, and closed my eyes to the true meaning of loving myself as His beautiful child.

||

i used to imagine sunlight in the shades of dust. how much dust i can see when the sunlight filters through. dust made the light pretty for me, and gave the light perspective. dust is very much unwanted (cleanliness and hygiene-wise). but it's so fascinating, and i can't help loving the unwantedness in it. call me crazy, or laugh at my oddness, but i can see the magical touch dust has on sunlight.

you know how the sea draws back suddenly at low tide, leaving all these debris exposed on the sand? i feel just like that. the cover i've hidden myself under is unraveling, exposing the mess of me. it's not a pretty mess, but it isn't ugly. there's something akin to beauty in that tawny bits of wood lying around, in almost symmetrical scatters. and the rustic glory of the pale, dusty sand.

is fascination with the unbeautiful messes of life good? sometimes people think it's crazy, but maybe that is just because they don't understand.

||

sometimes pouring my thoughts helps me understand why i made choices, and why things happen.

happy sunshiney award

"For bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere."

i'll be the first to admit that by nature, i'm not a very inspiring or creative person. my journey in blogging has driven me to see things in different perspectives, different shades of colors, if you will. i don't usually think in colors, but when i do, it's glorious. colors are merely expressions, but what powerful expressions they are. the deep, robust silkiness of crimson; the innocent paleness of pastel pink; the fresh vivaciousness of lime green; the thrilling sensation of electric blue. colors are inspiring, and i think i drew my inspiration from these little nuances of colors.

but i'm sidetracking just like always. i just want to give a big shoutout to SW over at a free mind, a blog that i frequent because her thoughts are super inspiring, nudging me to dream about possibilities. thank you, dear, and because you're awesome you deserve a extra grande cup of Starbucks chocolate latte and whipped cream. plus a double-chocolate chip cookie and the latest season of bbc sherlock on dvd. (YES)

the rules are:

I. thank the blogger that nominated you and link to his/her blog
II. nominate other bloggers and let them know on their blogs
III. answer a list of ten questions
IV. the Sunshine Award button must be posted on your blog

bloggers i nominate: (in no particular order)

• anna sophia
• ash
• prissy
• bekah joan
• rachel nicole
• maddie

The Ten Questions: (you can either answer these questions or make up your own 10 questions and answer those):

(i'm going to use some questions from SW and make some of my own)

1. What is your favorite Scripture verse? this is hard. but i think my favorite would be romans 8:1-2: "there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." there's just so much hope and meaning wrapped deep inside this verse. i adore it. 2. Would you sacrifice your life if it would save that of a stranger's? honestly? i'm not sure, because it would really depend on the situation and where i am (physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally) at that moment. i sincerely sincerely hope that in a given situation i will do so though. 3. Given a chance to swim with dolphins . . . would you accept? YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYSYEYSYEYSYYSYSYS. (oh look i even want to try dancing with them. like synchronized swimming? i have no idea what i was thinking.)   4. Are you more "fascinated" by the light or by the darkness; why? definitely by the darkness. i mean, i love light, but the darkness has always intrigued me (we're talking about literal darkness here, alright, not like sin = darkness, because in that case i shun it ha). i read once in anne of windy willows that darkness is made frightening in the presence of light. darkness by itself can be very comforting when i'm feeling down, with no one to see my eyes spoiled by the tears. maybe also because darkness is less "known" (forgive the term; i can't think of any other suitable word), i find it more fascinating than light. 5. Can you speak with a different accent? i sure can and i love it. it opens so many doors for exploration. playing around with my voice intonation and expression amuses me greatly, and probably amuses those around me. 6. Would you rather be disliked or forgotten? oh, this is a good one. i think i'd rather be disliked. being hated for just being me isn't nice, but to me, forgetting is worst. forgetting is not just not liking someone, it's wiping every blessed memory of them off your mind. it's the most cruel thing in friendships, and its wounds stab even deeper than dislike. at least when someone dislikes me, they still know what i'm like and dislike me for that. i can't help it if they repulse people who aren't fitted through a certain mold. but to be forgotten, that is to be not memorable enough to leave an impression on people's lives and impact them, and that, my friends, is a far sadder prospect than being disliked.

7. Has the ocean ever filled your dreams? strangely, no. or at least, not that i remember super clearly. i love the clear sea, and there's nothing like vacation by the beach, but i'm also afraid of the things in the sea. i can swim beautifully, but i don't like the feeling of something lurking beneath the surface. 8. Presuming you own one, how often is your journal put to use? i am ashamed to say...very very very very very very rarely. it's been hard for me to write because of eczema on my fingers, and i save the energy of writing with two fingers for my work. but i'd really love to get back to it slowly. journalling is a habit and treasure i've yet to master. i do love writing down my sporadic thoughts and little quotes from here and there, though. oh, and also poems that most of the time don't rhyme (ha). 9. Favorite fictional character of all time? james moriaty (from bbc rendition of sherlock). he is just like the awesomestest villain character of all time. don't ask me why; he's just is. because i say so. :) 10. What is your favorite hymn? in Christ alone. oh, and also how deep the Father's love for us. those two have to be my favorite of all time.

♥ || blogger awards

it's chocolate (recipe i.)

remember this? "try 16 recipes."

via

so i made chocolate the other day.

by myself.

elisabeth fong. making chocolate.

{no the world isn't going to end now, nor in 2025. unless He comes back, but that's a different story}

and you're probably like, "seriously. is that even possible? and i bet hers doesn't taste as good as hersheys."

well duh. maybe that's because i'm not a globally renowned company with an operating income of 905 million bucks.
and maybe it's also because i wanted a healthier alternative.

maybe you know, maybe you don't, but i've been having eczema spontaneously flaring up on my hands. not fun at all. because there was no apparent reason for my condition, except my unfortunate habit of needing something (usually junk food) to eat when studying, my mom pronounced me gluten intolerant, soy intolerant, lactose intolerant, water intolerant. yes, water intolerant. don't you know that eczema people can't constantly touch water because water is an enemy to eczema infected people? go do you research. well, except for showering. i made that an exception. i still try to keep myself clean (aren't you glad i'm actually telling you this?).

i've learnt to do most things with my index finger and thumb, because those have escaped the claws of this non-communicable disease (again, do you research. i'm not in an isolated room with only a crack of sunlight and a pan of gluten-free food pushed in through the hole in the door daily...although i do wish i had a pan of prepared GF food, so i don't have to overuse my four good fingers). i've even taught myself how to write with two fingers. impossible? i beg to differ.

but i've learned to cope with it. once it's cleared, i can start take things "in moderation," which essentially means The Mother rationing out the amount i can eat in grams to the nearest hundredth decimal point because i tend to overdo it. you get the idea.

the amazing thing is that this change in diet seems to be helping. the situation seems to be improving, and after it's cleared, i can start to test my allergens, which also means eating the things i'm suspected to be allergic to (!!!). Mom just made those guesses because my good 'ol Gramps is allergic to gluten, Daddy's sorta intolerant of seafood, and Gramma doesn't take a lot of dairy because of personal preferences. i just hope it doesn't run that much in the family. but, i've found a ton of recipes online that allow people that can't take gluten to eat bread! and lactose-intolerant people to eat chocolate! indeed, this is quite a feat of nature.

some websites i fell in love with are:

- Gluten-Free Goddess {i go to Karina's website almost everyday and stare at the sheer beauty of the things i can eat as a person as possibly intolerant to many things}

- Hope's Kitchen {a recipe blog that give hope to gluttons like myself forced into this lifestyle. she has a recipe for amazing apple fritters that i just cannot wait to try. as soon as i can eat yeast. which will be soon.}

- The Gluten Free Scallywag {doncha just love the name? this one's a recently discovered jewel that i added to my collection of websites i love}

{maybe i should start talking about what i was initially supposed to post about}

right. we were talking about chocolate that i made.

and can i just say it was the first chocolate i had eaten in more than a month and that it was the amazingestest chocolate i've ever tasted? {allow me to have a moment fangirling my chocolate here. k thks}

i've had this chocolate craving for an immensely long period of time. essentially slightly longer than the hiatus (love that word, by the way) in my blogging. so i said to myself, girl, you gotta make yourself some dairy-free chocolate.

so i did what every person would most probably do. i googled it and found a basic recipe for chocolate using coconut oil and cocoa powder. just so happened, The Parents are, i would say, reasonably obsessed with coconut oil as a healthy supplement to combat viruses. so we have lots of it in our house. cocoa powder? no problem. Mom bakes, and we have hershey's 100% cocoa powder {fine. i did use hersheys. but my chocolate is still (considerably) healthy and homemade}. we did have slivered almonds, and raisins,  sugar, and honey, and almond milk (which is dairy-free) to give it a milky, dairy-free texture.

i modified this recipe to whatever i had at home. and the rest is history that is sitting comfortably in my tummy. and because i used coconut oil which boost metabolic rate, it's less guilt for the hips, too.

oh yeah, and SW, as soon as i finish fangirling my chocolate and getting hyped up on food alternatives, i promise to work on the sunshine award, dear. thankies xx. 

live to eat, eat to live || ♥